What was I thinking? Not only was it a ridiculous thing to say, but it was horrifying close to the truth. I wasn’t going to put her in that position. She’d been clear about what she wanted from me and that was fine.
She was here for the sex and nothing more. Did I learn nothing from asking too much of her the last time around?
The sex was good. I was going to fuck it up again by trying to make her play a role she’d never wanted.
I’d been dumb enough to ask if she wanted me to treat her like my girlfriend or my whore. What the fuck had I expected her to say and why did it suck so bad when all she did was stick to our agreement?
The ride back to the hotel was mercifully brief and I managed not to open a window or fling myself from a moving vehicle just to get some air. I got out of the car without waiting for anyone to open the door, kept my head down, and walked quickly, ignoring the people at the front of the hotel who called my name, hoping they were paparazzi and not fans. I hated neglecting my fans, but I had nothing to give them tonight.
I made it through the lobby and to the elevator and by some miracle no one tried to ride up to our floor with me.
I was sweating and I couldn’t seem to focus on the room numbers, but I knew my room was at the end of the hall and I just had to get there. I’d gone from wanting to see Maia to not wanting her to see me like this, but if I could just get into the suite and get to my bedroom quickly, I wouldn’t have to interact with her.
I fumbled with the key, but eventually got it in front of the sensor and made it into the suite.
And stopped in my tracks.
Maia was kneeling on top of the dining room table with her legs spread, and she had an elaborate dinner laid out in front of her. The candles around the room highlighted her soft curves that she’d put on display with black strappy lingerie.
“I knew you hadn’t eaten yet and thought you might be hungry,” she purred, holding out a bite on a fork.
She was stunning.
And she was here waiting for me. No one had ever been here waiting for me.
And I was too far gone to do anything but head straight for the back bedroom and slam the door. I turned the shower on and got in, barely remembering to take my clothes off.
I couldn’t let her see me like this. She didn’t ask for this.
It felt like I was drowning.
I knew I was breathing, but it was too tight and too fast and didn’t feel like I was breathing at all.
I couldn’t stop shaking, but realized the shower was cold and I might just be shivering.
I turned the water to warm and braced my hands on the wall, focusing on taking deep breaths in and letting them out with slow exhales.
Just as the panic started to subside, Maia hammered on the bathroom door. “Open the door, you sonofabitch!”
I felt weak and helpless, not in control of my body or my time.
I needed something to make me feel in control again.
And it was exactly what Maia wanted too.
33
MAIA
Now
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
I stormed into Zane’s bedroom, but he wasn’t in there. The shower was running and the bathroom door was closed.
I felt humiliated. I’d gone to a ridiculous amount of effort to pick up dinner from a restaurant nearby that didn’t even offer takeout by calling in a favor. Then, I managed to be back in time to put on one of the ludicrous pieces of lingerie Ophelia included in the bag of iniquity she packed for me.
After Zane sent me back to the hotel, I convinced myself he was just tired and stressed, talked myself into making an effort to make things easier for him because he seemed to have so much on his plate. Yet again, I was letting a man treat me like shit while I begged and scraped, hoping he’d throw me the scraps of his affection if I could only find the right way to please him.
