I poured some coffee into a delicate cup and put one of the pastries on a plate, then took a seat, pondering my next move.
“So…you’re an escort again?” I asked pointedly like we were just two friends catching up.
“I’m not ‘an escort,’ but I do take clients from Ophelia from time to time. What of it?”
Her defensive tone told me I needed to tread carefully, but I had to know why she’d been on my plane thinking she was meeting a stranger.
“Why? Surely it’s not about the money at this point?”
She was quiet for a minute, seeming to think about what to say. “I missed it. It’s so different from my other career. The whole world stops and I get to focus on one person’s needs. Besides…it turns me on. Do I need another reason?” Her eyes flashed with desire.
She wasn’t shy about admitting what she was into, at least not with me. So why was it so hard to just tell me she wantedmespecifically?
“Escorting feels different now that it’s purely a choice. Back then, I had to do it for the money and there were definitely times I took clients I didn’t really want to. Maybe there’re a few I regret.” She lifted a shoulder and let it drop, cocking an eyebrow at me like I might be one of them.
I patted my thigh. “Come here.”
“Why?” she asked suspiciously.
“Are you in the habit of questioning your clients’ requests?” I said. “Because it’s what I want. Admit you’re here because you want to be or do as you’re told.”
She set her teacup down and rose elegantly, coming over to gently lower herself onto my lap. Was it a victory or a loss? It was hard to call anything that resulted in her soft curves being pressed against me a loss.
“Did you keep escorting when you were with that guy?”
She snorted. “Nate? Hell no. The very mention of non monogamy, or sex work for that matter, would’ve sent him running for the hills.”
Judgmental bastard.
I gestured to the pastry on my plate and she clenched her jaw, but picked it up to let me take a bite, holding the plate under my chin to catch the crumbs.
“Good girl.” Her cheeks turned a delicious pink color, but she lifted the pastry so I could take another bite.
“Tell me what turns you on about it,” I said.
She put the plate down. “Feeling like I’m not in control even though I know I am. I like it when a guy is taking what he wants from me and I don’t have to tell him what to do.”
I laughed at how pointedly she said it, inviting me to give her what she wanted. “Meaning you like to feel like a good girl who’s just being led astray?”
She nodded. “But it’s more than that. It’s intimacy with a stranger, someone touching me who I don’t really know anything about.”
How clear does she have to make it that it’s not me she specifically she wants?
“Couldn’t you have that without escorting?”
She offered me another bite. “Believe it or not, I feel better going through Ophelia than picking some random guy up at the bar. I like that it’s a transaction. No confusion about feelings or where we stand.”
Because of what happened with you…was the part she didn’t say. I got attached and things got messy. She hadn’t wanted it then, and this must’ve been her way of letting me know she didn’t want it now either.
That was fine by me. I had no interest in putting my feelings on the line again with her or anyone else.
I was a kid back then, infatuated and intense, but with nothing to offer her besides dreams and promises. I humiliated myself by professing my love for her and trying to talk her into a future she’d made clear she didn’t want from the start. I’d been so immature and besotted that I’d willfully ignored every clear signal she’d given me. The way she’d introduced herself to my mom as a coworker instead of my girlfriend. The careful way she always reminded me that she had to go back to work, back to her life. The sex had been amazing and I let my feelings fuck up a good thing.
I didn’t blame her for shutting me down. It was the way she’d done it that still made me see red.
But I wasn’t ready to let her go. I needed to get her out of my system first so I could move on without comparing my every sex partner to her and finding them wanting.
Maybe she’d just given me the way to convince her.
