The barest hint of lines on her forehead that could’ve been worry or could’ve been wonder. I’d never know all the things that caused them.
Why did that make me so mad? Staring at her now, I had to wonder what our lives would’ve been like if she hadn’t done it.
I was mature enough now to see that I’d pushed her to what she’d done by being a clingy kid with his heart on his sleeve. I couldn’t even think about it in vague terms without wanting to die of shame. I wasn’t that guy anymore, so I was willing to accept some of the blame. But that didn’t mean I forgave her.
I checked my watch. She’d been out for almost twenty minutes, so I tried moving her gently to let me sit up. I shifted her onto the seat and she opened her eyes for a second, but it was obvious she was still asleep. If she was this tired I was going to make damn sure she got some rest.
I managed to pull my shirt over her head and carry her to one of the wide seats and lay it flat. I grabbed one of the huge blankets and tucked it around her and then got my noise cancelling headphones and placed them carefully over her ears. From my phone, I turned on the white noise in the headphones and gradually increased the volume.
Hopefully, it’s enough.
I sat there for a while watching her sleep, feeling too many things all at once.
Tenderness and worry for how exhausted she was.
Lust. Always fucking lust when she was around. Never sated, never enough. I’d let her rest, but I wanted to wake her up with my tongue on her cunt.
All the remembered feelings of rage and grief and betrayal rolled through me too. Doubt. Humiliation. It was like I’d been numb for years and didn’t know what to do with all these feelings.
I grabbed my guitar and went to the front of the plane, barely making it into a seat before playing the melody that was eating me alive.
If wholeness could be captured with music, this was it.
My fingers stilled after they began to shake.
Nine years. Nine years since the music had come like this. It was like she’d taken that piece of me with her and now that I had it back I didn’t want to let it go.
She’d broken my heart back then and the songs poured out like blood leaking from the wound. I’d written plenty of music since then, but none of it had been the same. That knowledge had haunted me for the better part of a decade.
In dark moments, I wondered if I needed to seek heartbreak just to see if the music would come alive for me again. But no one else had managed to hurt me like that.
In lighter moments, I thought maybe just falling for someone would be enough to bring it back.
And I’d tried.
I’d dated and fucked and wondered if maybe the next one would ignite something within me like she had.
But none of them wereher.
And now she was here. I’d be damned if I was letting her just run away again.
Before I could overthink it, I picked up the phone and called Kelly. By the time I explained what I needed him to do, I was fully resolved.
I hung up with him and called Ophelia.
“Well hey there, Rock Daddy. Change your mind about a menage?”
One of these days I was going to call her bluff just to answer once and for all whether she was even bluffing, but today wasn’t that day.
“Never gonna happen. Call off your security guy.”
“Why?” There was an edge to her voice that told me I needed to tread carefully. She could pretend to be fun and games all the time, but if I fucked with her friend, she’d turn on me in a heartbeat.
“Because Maia is spending the weekend with me.” I kept the tension out of my tone. She agreed to that much, so it’s not like I was lying.
“Horseshit. No way you fucked the mad out of her that quickly. Put her on the phone.”
“Can’t. She’s sleeping.”
