I was hyperventilating, but my smile never wavered as I gazed up at the man I’d shared a life with for four years.
Could he even sing? I’d never heard him sing in the shower, far less in public. Maybe I didn’t know him so well either?
“This is a song dedicated to all the love in the air tonight, but most especially to my own love, Maia.”
“Oh goodie,” Ophelia said. “I do love a mortifying serenade.”
As the band played the opening notes, my stomach dropped.
Not this song.
It was wildly popular. Everyone at the wedding probably could’ve sung along.
But I’d been there when this song was written, had lain naked and spent on tangled sheets when these notes first came to the man who wrote it.
This fucking song was about me.
I’ll be dreamin’ of you for the rest of my days.
You’re my first.
My last.
My always.
Here I was with another man. You can’t betray someone who broke your heart, but it still felt wrong.
Zane.
It was a constant battle to keep him out of my head all these years later, one that was undermined by the ubiquitousness of his music—on the radio, in grocery stores, at the bar…and now coming out of the mouth of the man who was about to ask me to marry him.
All at once, my defenses came crashing down.
The heartbreak was still raw, just buried under layers of drive and self-preservation. I hadn’t let myself fall apart then because I had a dream to pursue and I’d be damned if I was going to lose that too.
But now?
What I had with Nate was polite and amicable. He was appropriate for me in every way that mattered. I was the most palatable version of myself when I was with him, never wild or offensive or making anyone uncomfortable. I was the grown-up version of myself who’d shut down the parts of my personality that got me in trouble my whole life.
There was nothing polite about what I had with Zane. Nothing convenient. It was raw and all-consuming, like comparing a wildfire to a lit match. I was the most me when I was with him and it had been terrifying and exhilarating to have another person absorb all of me and come back looking for whatever else I was willing to give.
Fuck, fuck,fuck.
I was going to cry. My boyfriend was serenading me in front of an entire wedding and I was going to start crying.
I glanced from Ophelia to Bill, silently begging one of them to do something.
They both knew.
Bill was there the night that led to this song, had nudged me into the arms of the man who almost destroyed me. His expression was sympathetic, but he wasn’t about to tackle Nate.
Ophelia was there to pick up the pieces when my heart was broken afterward. Now, she held my hand under the table and squeezed it tightly.
I sat there through the rest of the song because running away would’ve been humiliating. In hindsight, that was the better option.
I was sucking in deep breaths through clenched teeth, trying to hide the cold sweat and the churning in my stomach. If I could just keep smiling, everything would be okay.
Everyone was looking from me to Nate and back again with starry-eyed expressions as he butchered the end of the song.
