I braced for it. I just knew it was coming. The “not all men” was inevitable because guys always made these discussions about them.
Instead, he said, “I’m sorry. I wonder what I could be doing better to support the women in my life.” The look in his eyes was earnest and deeply concerned. He wasn’t saying what he thought I wanted to hear. He’d actually listened, heard me, and thought about how he could do better.
I couldn’t answer him because I thought I might cry.
31
Elena
“Fuck. They’re never going to leave the poor man alone now.”
The rest of the video of my session with the VP had leaked just as the initial scandal was fading. I didn’t think the video was especially scandalous, but people were transfixed. He was a widower and he wasn’t the VP anymore. I really didn’t see why it mattered so much what he was doing in private. It showed the rest of the flogging and trampling, a little cane action. But the part people were focused on was that he’d sobbed at the end and professed how much he loved me as he got himself off. It was an intimate, vulnerable moment for him that should never have been public.
Whoever leaked it had surely broken the law, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t all over the internet already.
I needed to stop blaming myself. He’d sworn his people could vouch for the security of the hotel room we’d been in and I’d trusted him.
Alex’s soothing hand on my thigh as we drove to a dinner date did little to ease the tension in me. I’d courted fame, but now all I wanted was the calm safety of obscurity.
“Easy, sweetheart,” he murmured against my ear. “Everything’s going to be fine.”
I pulled away. “Easy for you to say.”
I felt raw and vulnerable, like I didn’t want to share any more of myself with the faceless masses.
The video was out now and I wasn’t ashamed of it. What I really didn’t want people to know was how much of a goner I was for Alex Chase.
I’d been so clear on the exchange going in. What remained of my privacy for riches and fame. I was feeling emotionally strung out because I’d somehow put more on the table than I’d ever planned to. It wasn’t just my fake feelings on display anymore.
It was so much more difficult to go through the charade when we were really into each other than it had been when we were still pretending. Before, I’d been pretending to like him. Now, I was trying to hide how much I liked him.
Dinner was a blur of many courses and forced smiles.
As we went to exit the restaurant, an attendant helped me into my coat. I turned to see a security guard whisper something to Alex who nodded, then quickly texted something on his phone. The answer came back almost instantly.
He looked deathly serious for a moment, but when he caught my eye, he gave me a lopsided smile.
Damn him and his lopsided smile. Without even knowing I was doing it, I found myself smiling back at him.
Like an idiot.
He closed the gap between us, so I turned towards the door to avoid making a fool of myself by kissing him in front of everyone. I jerked in surprise when I felt him slide his hand over mine. It was impossible not to notice how huge his hand was compared to mine, but more than that, there was something warm and reassuring about it. I could get way too used to warm and reassuring.
“What’s with the nonconsensual hand-holding?” I attempted to extricate my fingers from his.
It was frustrating that I was comfortable binding a relative stranger’s genitals with rope, could happily spank bare asses, torture someone with nipple clamps, or have my toes sucked all day long, but this man holding my hand threw me into a tailspin of panic every fucking time. He didn’t even mean anything by it. He’d probably just gotten a text instructing him to do it.
He gripped my hand tighter. “Bunch of paparazzi are out there.”
“And?”
“Come on, sweetheart. You’re going to want to hold my hand. They’re relentless and I can’t protect you if we get separated.”
“I can handle myself.” I pulled away. I was annoyed at the flip my stomach did when he mentioned protecting me.
He looked like he might argue, but shrugged and squared his shoulders as two security guards pushed the doors open and began clearing a path through the chaos outside.
I was prepared for the madness of making it through a mob of paparazzi with one of the most famous men in the world. I was not prepared for the mob to be directed at me.
