When he started to lean forward again, I turned my head and his lips landed just below my ear.
“Elena,” he groaned. “I’m sorry I killed the moment. Forget I said anything.”
I pulled away from him and went to retrieve my stuff.
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “That was out of line. I of all people should know better. This is work for you. I won’t make the same mistake again.”
I smiled carefully. “It’s not a big deal. We’re supposed to be in a relationship. PDA is in our contract. Let’s just make sure there’s a camera nearby next time. No point in pretending we can’t keep our hands off each other if there’s no one there to see it, but I think we proved we can make it look real when we need to.”
It wasn’t an act. I’d been completely out of control and that was unacceptable. I threw everything back in my bag, getting ready to leave.
“You’re a better actress than I originally gave you credit for.” He looked at me accusingly, “Have you considered a career change with your impending fame?”
“No. I love my job.”
It wasn’t until the driver had pulled away and I was sitting in the back of the sleek town car that I realized I felt like a prostitute again. When I’d arrived, it had been empowering, but now I felt cheap for the very first time in my career. I had personal rules beyond the rules of the dungeon for a reason.
I wouldn’t forget that again.
8
Alex
What the hell was I thinking last night?
I was so frustrated with myself I wanted to throw something, but since I was holding a seventy-pound kettlebell, that wasn’t a great idea. I liked my weight room without holes in the walls.
I’d crossed a line and I hated the way I’d made her shut down, but holy hell had she blown my mind. I’d been drunk on the power she’d given me, caught up in the feeling of having this tough-as-nails woman surrendering control. What did that say about me?
She asked why I wanted this part so badly. I thought it was purely for career reasons, but could she be right? Playing Lucas Steel gave me an excuse to be the version of myself I was too hesitant to experiment with in real life. If I was like him and worried less about pleasing people, would that mean I was becoming the famous jackass I was scared of turning into? Or was I a jackass for shutting down any parts of myself that didn’t fit the image we’d created?
I thought I was bored and feeling stifled with my career, but now I wondered if it was bigger than that. I was bored of my life, tired of playing a version of myself on and offscreen that was carefully crafted to be the most palatable to the public.
The good guy.
The nice guy.
The guy who definitely didn’t get hard when pinning Elena to a wall and feeling her melt against my body.
I’d been so focused on “making it,” that everything else in my life became a secondary priority. Now, I’d spent so long playingAlex Chase, I wasn’t sure I even knew who Alex was anymore or what he wanted out of life.
What a pathetic thought.
I hereby give you permission to be bad.
She’d meant I could pretend to be bad to play Lucas Steel, but in that moment, I’d heard it as an invitation. Elena was the one to start the kiss, but only after I’d made it clear I expected it. Had she felt obligated to kiss me? Her responses felt real to me, but that didn’t mean anything.
She’d acknowledged the chemistry between us like she’d simply been stating a fact. My response to her wasn’t a fact, it was a goddamn revelation.
Was this what she did to all of her clients? No wonder they kept coming back for more.
It felt like something different, though, like she was as swept up in the moment as I was. But everyone assumed they were the exception, and I wasn’t that naive.
I hated the idea of her kissing me because she thought she had to or because she was manipulating me, so instead of trusting the moment, I’d shot it down in flames by asking if she kissed all her clients.
“Are you going to tell me how it went last night?” Rami’s voice made me jerk with surprise. I’d been so lost in thought I forgot he was even there. “I was freaked you’d both left when I got back and your text was vague.” He panted, still in the middle of a set.
I didn’t especially want to tell Rami the details.
