I was surprised Gia invited me in for a coffee when I dropped her off. “You sure you’re up for company?” I asked, shifting in the seat to face her. “You must be exhausted.”
“I’m okay.” She sighed. “I think we should talk.”
Uh oh. The tone of her voice told me I wasn’t going to like what she had to say. My first impulse was to bail, make some excuse for leaving, but running had contributed to this mess so I dug deep and decided to hear her out.
“Sure, let’s go inside.” I rounded the front of my vehicle, trying to draw a deep breath, but the tightness in my chest made it tough. I’d never had a problem with anxiety before, but something about Gia, and the thought of losing her, brought it out in me.
I opened the passenger’s door and helped her out before closing it.
She slipped her arm through mine. “Thanks.”
“My pleasure.” Sad that I was grateful for any sign of affection from her. I wasn’t a guy who’d been happy with any scraps a woman offered, making me question how much longer I could go on living in this limbo. It was soul-crushing, not knowing where we stood.
“You okay?” she asked, punching the button to open the automatic door.
I didn’t realize I’d been glaring, until she asked. “No, not really.”
I wasn’t going to suffer in silence with my feelings. She needed to know that living without her was killing me, even if it felt like I was pressuring her. Sitting back, doing nothing, waiting for things to happen had never been my style.
“What’s wrong?”
“We’ll talk about it when we get upstairs.”
Gia exchanged pleasantries with a few neighbours before we stepped on the elevator and I stabbed the button for her floor with my index finger. My jaw was tight and I could feel the tension taking up space between us. I hated that we were in this position. We should have been lost in each other during the first few months of our marriage, not living apart because we were letting the past come between us.
“I’ll make us some coffee,” she said, dropping her purse on the ground in the small foyer after closing the door.
“Don’t bother.” I gestured to the apartment-sized sectional dominating the small room. “You need to sit down, elevate your leg.”
She nodded, allowing me to help her to the sofa. “Thanks.”
I waited until she was comfortable before I claimed the edge of the outer cushion, not wanting to get too close. I didn’t trust myself not to touch her, and I suspected my hands all over her was the last thing she wanted right now.
“Do you mind if I go first?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Go ahead.”
“I screwed up, G. I’m the first to admit that. But it’s not like I outright lied to you or cheated on you. We weren’t together when Kaitlyn got pregnant and I’m pretty sure there are plenty of things in your past that I don’t know about.”
“Of course.”
Her quick response made me wonder what she was hiding, and could it be as volatile as the secret I’d kept from her? Did I even have a right to know, since I hadn’t been forthcoming with her?
“Right, so I’ve apologized. You know I’d never make a bonehead mistake like that again, keeping something important from you, but what the hell are we doing here?” I gestured between us. “I’m not trying to pressure you, but I have no interest in living apart from my wife. So, either you want to be married to me or you don’t.”
She closed her eyes, tipping her head back. “Elaine called me today. They’re not going to move forward with the show.”
Just like that I went from feeling my own pain to feeling hers. “Babe, I’m so sorry.” I placed my hand on her thigh. “I know how much it meant to you, getting your own show.”
She tipped her head and opened her eyes to look at me before placing her hand on mine. “She said my accident impacted their decision and the fact I’d be out of commission for weeks, but I’m not buying it. Truth be told, I wasn’t feeling it, so how could I expect an audience to, right?”
“It’s my fault. You were distracted because of Kaitlyn being there and the problems we were having.”
She shook her head. “It’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. It just didn’t feel right. I thought it would. But it didn’t.”
“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say, or how to feel about the fact that she didn’t seem eager to talk about our relationship.
She crooked her finger, beckoning to me.
