“Maybe you needed a back-up plan, in case things with Joel didn’t work out. Keeping your apartment would mean you could step right back into your old life. Pick up where you left off, right?”
I hated when she was right, but sub-consciously, there had to be a reason I hadn’t taken five minutes to let my landlord know I was moving out. “It wasn’t intentional, but maybe.” I heaved a sigh. “I don’t even know anymore. How did my life get to be such a mess?”
“Hey, it’s not,” Briar said, rubbing my forearm with her warm hand. “You just need to take some time to figure things out, sweetie. There’s no rush. I know Joel will be patient with you. He needed time too, that’s why he went back to L.A., right?”
I hated to think he was trying to get away from me, but maybe he was. “But I don’t think the show will be as patient.” I gestured to the cast on my leg. “I’m not even sure how I can film with this. I’ll have to call Elaine later, fill her in on my condition and see where we go from here.” I wasn’t looking forward to that conversation, but I knew I couldn’t put it off forever.
“I talked to your mom earlier. She said they were going to come by and visit later, but I told her I thought you were going to be discharged, so she said she’d wait until you got home to come and see you.”
I groaned. “Ugh, how will I explain it to them if I go back to my apartment? They’ll want to know why I’m not living with my husband. You know the way they are.”
“Gia, you have to do what’s best for you. If you need time alone, to figure things out, without the people who love you hovering, take it.”
I gestured to my cast. “This might make it a bit difficult to manage on my own, at least while I’m getting used to it. And I won’t be able to drive.”
“You can have anything you need delivered, and it would be easier to get around your tiny apartment, compared to Joel’s big old farmhouse.”
“True.” I was grateful she understood and was giving me ways to justify my decision to Joel and my parents, who would no doubt try and fight me, insisting I needed someone there to take care of me while I healed.
Joel tapped on the door, before opening it and remaining tentatively on the other side. “Sorry to interrupt, ladies. The doctor said he’ll be in to check on you in a bit. If all looks good, he’ll sign your release papers and we can get home.”
Briar shot me a look before I cleared my throat and muttered, “Thanks.”
“Your mom just called me,” Joel said. “She wants to see you, make sure you’re okay. I told her it was fine if they wanted to stop by the house this afternoon. I hope you don’t mind?”
Briar jumped up, slinging her oversized purse over her shoulder before bending to kiss my cheek. “I should be going, but I’m so relieved you’re okay. I love you. I’ll check in with you a little later.”
“Love you too, Bri. Thanks for stopping by.” We waited for her to leave before my eyes met Joel’s. “I think we need to talk.”
The tension was etched all over his handsome face as he closed the door and stepped inside, standing at the foot of the bed. “Okay.”
“You know I love you—”
He raised his hand. “Don’t tell me you want a divorce, G.”
“I wasn’t going to say that.” My heart went out to him. I knew this was as hard on him as it was on me and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. “I just need a little time alone to sort some things out.” When he shook his head, looking frustrated, I added, “The show isn’t going well, I can feel it, and now with my injury I’m not even sure we could continue filming, even if I wanted to.”
“Do you want to?”
My brain felt foggy, probably from the concussion, and it was making it hard to sort my thoughts and feelings. “I don’t know how to do anything else, let’s be honest. I’ve been pouring everything into this for the past eight years. Without it, I don’t even know what I’d do… or who I’d be.” And that scared me more than anything. Almost like I’d been an actor playing a role in my own life and I just got fired.
“Gia, come on. You’re smart, talented, creative. You have business skills that are easily transferrable. Almost all businesses these days require an online and social media presence and you’re an expert at that. You’ll be fine, no matter what you decide to do.”
Now he was talking like my best friend, instead of my estranged husband, and I loved him for that. More than anything, I needed to get back to the way things were before we screwed it all up by falling in love.
“I really needed to hear that, thanks.”
His sad smile said it all. His heart was breaking, just like mine was, but he was willing to support me, whatever I needed. “Anytime you need to be reminded how amazing you are, I’m your guy.”
My heart squeezed, knowing how hard it was to find men like Joel, who was willing to be selfless for the sake of the people he loved. “I hate that things are such a mess right now—”
“It’s more my fault than yours. I told you, I’m terrible at relationships. But I want to get better. I really want to make this work, babe. And I’ll do whatever it takes, wait as long as it takes for you to figure things out. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”
I reached for his hand as a tear slipped down my cheek. “Thank you.”
He kissed me, and it was so gentle, so tender, I’d never felt more loved. “We’ll get through this.” His eyes met mine and he whispered, “We have to believe that.”
* * *
