“I didn’t lie to you.” I closed my hands around her upper arms, my eyes piercing hers. “Listen to me, I know I should have told you about Kaitlyn’s miscarriage, but when you asked me if I had any serious relationships in L.A., I told you the truth, I hadn’t. I wasn’t in love with Kaitlyn or anyone else while I was living there.”
“But having a baby together… that’s as serious as it gets.” As her shoulders slumped and her voice got softer, I saw hurt edging out the anger and that scared me even more.
“You’re right, it was serious. And I took it seriously. When I found out she was pregnant—”
“You told her you didn’t want the baby. Was she lying about that?”
I hated myself for making that comment in the heat of an intense argument with Kaitlyn about the baby’s paternity, but I hadn’t intended to be a father then and I sure as hell wouldn’t have chosen someone as selfish and reckless as Kaitlyn to navigate those rough waters with me.
“No.” I hung my head, letting my hands fall to my sides when her expression said more than her words could. I disgusted her. “She wasn’t lying. I did say that. I hate that I did, but I can’t take it back.”
“Why would you say something like that?” she whispered. “You don’t want children?”
“With you? Absolutely. With her? No.”
“Then why did you…?” She closed her eyes. “Have unprotected sex with her?”
“Christ, G. The condom broke. It wasn’t intentional. It was a stupid accident that I’m paying for now.”
I really needed to learn when to keep my big mouth shut because now I was making it sound like the biggest loss hadn’t been the baby… and it was. When Kaitlyn miscarried, it hit me hard. Harder still when I was sitting by my father’s bedside as he drew his last breath, thanking God for the incredible dad he was and wondering if I’d ever be half the man he’d been.
“Now?” She repeated, shaking her head before turning her back on me. “I don’t believe this.”
I tried to wrap my arms around her, but she shrugged me off. “I know you hate me right now—”
“Don’t put words in my mouth.”
“What do you want me to do? You want me to go?”
She faced me, her beautiful face contorted with the pain I’d caused her. “This is your house. You shouldn’t have to go.”
I gestured to the crew milling around the barn. “They came all this way to shoot a TV show here. You’re legally obligated to go through with it.”
“How the hell am I supposed to work withhernow?”
“I hate that I put you in this position, baby. If I’d known there was a chance she’d be on your crew I would have tried to—” I palmed my forehead, knowing there was no way I could have intervened. Kaitlyn wouldn’t have listened to me. She clearly hated me enough to want to destroy my life. And I was terrified she may have succeeded.
“You knew she worked for this network?”
I shook my head. “No, she hadn’t when we dated. I guess she got this job sometime in the last year.”
“A horrible coincidence,” Gia muttered. “God, what are the odds your ex would be assigned to my crew? This is a nightmare.”
“I’m sorry, G.” The word sounded hollow, but I’d never meant anything more… with the exception of all the times I’d told her I loved her. This girl had become my world. My family. And I didn’t know how the hell I’d cope if I lost her now.
“Where would you go?”
My stomach bottomed out, knowing she wanted me to leave. But she had every right to banish me. Her career was at stake and I refused to screw this up for her. “I still have my penthouse in L.A. I’ve been meaning to sell it, but with all we’ve had going on around here, I never got around to it. I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t.” I couldn’t do much for her, but I could give her time and space to process this shit and focus on her career without me hovering and making things awkward.
“Joel, I’m not going to ask you to leave your own home.”
“This is your home as much as it is mine.”
“No, it’s not.” She glanced at the pond. “As much as I love this place, it’s in your blood. There’s so much family history here.”
“I want us to make our own history here, G.” I reached for her hand, sighing when she only let me hold it for a second before withdrawing again. “I know I made a mess of things. And I hate that I hurt you. But nothing has changed for me. I’m still crazy about you. I want to do this life thing with you, if you’ll still have me?” I didn’t wear vulnerable well, but for this girl I’d get down on my goddamn knees if it meant she wouldn’t leave me.
She looked up at me, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “I thought you were my person.”
