Love was a lie in Hyton. How the hell did I ever think I would have it for myself?
Brietta’s soft voice pulled me out of my thoughts. “I would have been with any man, so long as it was my choice. Just…anything different than what my first time really was.”
The memory that the Man of the Mountain had shown me through her eyes flashed through my mind—waking up confused on a couch with white-faced Derrick on top of her.
The air tightened around us, but I gathered the courage to pull my eyes over to Brietta. Her arms were folded across her chest and she stared down at her feet.
I could almost see piles of stones on the carriage floor as we silently built our walls. I had done this before—stacked the stones and shut out love. I once thought the fortress around my heart kept me safe, but the world had still caved in anyway.
Shutting out the warmth of what love might have been was not going to help me this time, either.
I let out a breath and imagined that wall crumbling at my feet. I could not just retreat, I had made a promise.
Try to be happy.
If I could not reconcile my ideas of love with my feelings of desire, I could at least try to find small bites of happiness. I was going shopping with my fr…the future Duchess. We could have fun again.
My eyes flicked over to Brietta. Maybe I could even see her smile again.
The carriage came to a stop. Brietta sat up and gracefully stepped onto the street and I followed.
We entered a dressmaker’s shop in one of the more posh parts of the city. The dressmaker was an older man in spectacles, wearing a berry-colored doublet and shoes with shining buckles.
The dressmaker’s eyes gleamed as he bowed with a flourish. “Lady Hyton, we’ve been expecting you. Your costume for the Darkest Night is nearly as splendid as you are!”
Brietta kept her shoulders back and her lip stiff. “That is all well, bring out Madame Bloodstone’s costume first.”
My costume was already made?
“Ah, yes, the Midnight Dream!” the dressmaker said with glee.
He turned and pushed past a glimmering curtain that led to the back of the shop. Two bleak-eyed women emerged from behind the curtain and led us to a private area. They helped meonto a round pedestal while Brietta sat on a luxurious couch behind me.
I glanced at my reflection in the large mirror in front of me and my heart leaped into my throat. I had not expected them to undress me!
As soon as the women left, I yanked up the hem of my skirt and quickly pulled the ribbon of my choker. The Nordingaard crystal slid into my waiting palm as I turned toward Brietta.
Her eyes met mine and I tossed her the crystal. She flinched as if I had thrown a spider at her, but caught the crystal and shoved it behind her back.
Without the crystal on my skin, my heart started to pound.
Footsteps echoed into the room and a flash of silver caught my eye. Four young women entered with black—no, dark blue—fabric in their hands that had glitters of silver sewn in. All the women had lines around their eyes, but somehow seemed to be close to our age.
Two of the women took off my bodice and skirts while the others held the fabric that looked like the folded night sky. I flinched as a hand touched the sleeve of my chemise.
“These too, Madame,” the woman said softly.
I grabbed my arms. “What do you mean? I have to have my undergarments.”
The woman dropped her eyes. “Dresses for the Darkest Night are different.”
I looked over my shoulder at Brietta and raised my eyebrow.
She looked down and cleared her throat. “The Darkest Night is not a normal ball. You get married on the full moon, but on thenewmoon, you find the person you want tobewith…at least for the night.”
I blinked in disbelief. Surely she was not suggesting…
Shame pricked my cheeks and I dropped my voice to a whisper. “Are you telling me this ball is just a giant orgy?”
