She hung her head. She hadn’t admitted this even to herself. It was too painful. She had gotten herself into a situation she saw no good way out of.
Heather’s right. I do want to find out what he’s like in bed. But not because of investigative curiosity, and certainly not because I want to be able to say I slept with someone famous. I really like Miles. That’s what it is. I want to be close to him. He’s all I can think about. And that’s terrible.
Heather’s tone shifted entirely. “Oh… Chelsea. I had no idea you were falling for him.”
“I’m not falling for him,” Chelsea protested, but the words sounded weak even to her own ears. Of course she was fallingfor Miles. She knew she was. There was no reason to pretend to deny it.
Heather sighed. “I’m going to get you more tea.”
“I don’t even like tea,” Chelsea whispered.
“Well, you can’t have anything stronger while you’re pregnant. Trust me. I’ve been through this twice myself. I know it’s one of the most irritating parts of being pregnant. And remember, when I was going through my second pregnancy, I was fighting with Pete the whole time. I was already beginning to get the sense that I should just go ahead and get divorced, but I didn’t feel like I could do it with a baby on the way.” She smiled, “You don’t know how good you have it, really, to be doing this with a man you really care about. Youshouldtake advantage of that.”
Chelsea sighed. “I must seem really ungrateful.”
“Don’t do that to yourself. Your situation is crazy. I don’t think anyone could possibly expect you to have been ready to handle every twist and turn. But here’s what Idoexpect. Are you listening to me?” Chelsea nodded. “I expect you to be good to yourself. If you’re interested in this man, you deserve to find out what there might be between the two of you. Even if you’re worried it isn’t going to work out. What’s the worst-case scenario — that things are a little awkward between you and your baby’s dad? From what I can tell, that’s going to happen either way. This is an awkward situation, and you’re not going to be able to escape that fact.”
Her tone gentled. “And Chelsea… I don’t think you’re going to be able to escape your feelings, either. You care about this guy. You need to pursue that, for the sake of your own peace of mind. If you don’t, you’re always going to wonder whether there wassomething between the two of you. You need to get whatever this is out of your system.”
Chelsea let out a long sigh. Maybe her friend was right. Maybe she would feel better if she and Miles gave things a try.
But then again… it was deeply unlikely that he would ever want to do that. In fact, she felt sure he wouldn’t. He hadn’t said a word to her after that kiss, and she just knew he thought of it as a mistake, given the way he had reacted to the near-kiss they’d had in the kitchen. He hadn’t wanted this to happen. He probably wished it never had.
No, there was no way anything was ever going to happen between them. And the tragedy of it all was that now she had admitted to her feelings, she could no longer pretend to herself that she wasn’t having them. She had to admit it to herself now. She really did care for him. There was just no getting away from that fact.
“You’re really tormenting yourself about it,” Heather murmured, squeezing her hand.
“I never intended for this to happen,” Chelsea told her. “I didn’t want it to happen. I meant to be so careful, because the most important thing is that my baby has a functioning family to grow up in. I don’t want my child paying the price for the unorthodox way I went about this. I want them to know their mother and father love them, and I want their family to be free of conflict.”
“All families have conflict,” Heather said gently. “Just look at what my kids are going through with my divorce. I hate that they have to deal with it, but I also know that it’ll be for the best in the end. Better than if I had gone on pretending that everything was fine. Honest families are happier than dishonest ones. If you doyour best to make things work out with Miles Aspin… maybe it won’t happen. But at least you’ll know you gave it your best shot. At least, when your baby comes, you won’t have to spend any more time on these thoughts that are so obviously tearing you up right now.”
“I wish it was that simple,” Chelsea murmured. “I really do. But it isn’t. I don’t think Miles feels the same way I do at all.”
“We are talking about the guy who was kissing you, are we not?”
“He was just caught up in the moment, that’s all,” Chelsea said. “It was an exciting night. The baby kicked, we both felt it.”
Heather shook her head. “You told meyouwere just caught up in the moment,” she pointed out. “And a second later, you were telling me how you’re in love with the guy. If both things can be true for you, they can be true for him — and maybe they are. You should find out.”
“No, that’s enough,” Chelsea said firmly. “I can’t afford to think like this, Heather. It’s a beautiful fantasy, but it can’t go any further than that. I have to stay focused on what’s real — and that means I can’t let myself wish for Miles when I know nothing can ever happen between the two of us.”
Heather sighed. “I think you’re giving up too fast. But if you really don’t want to talk about it anymore, we won’t talk about it anymore. I just want you to know that I think you’re making a mistake. I think you owe yourself this, and it could be a lot of fun if you let it.”
Maybe she was right. But Chelsea didn’t think so. Heather was talking about a daydream, that was all. And Chelsea had no room for daydreams. This was about more than just her now. Sherested a hand on her belly and felt the baby kick in response, a reminder of just how much was at stake.
I can’t afford to give in to my fantasies. I have to stay focused on the right thing—for everyone involved.
CHAPTER 17
MILES
“You’re telling me she ordered a crib for your baby from a furniture warehouse?” Miles’s father asked him.
They were sitting at the table at Silas’s house, each with a piece of one of Chelsea’s apple pies in front of them. She had been baking nonstop over the past week, which Miles supposed was probably some kind of pregnancy side effect that he didn’t understand. He couldn’t complain. The products of her new hobby were to die for. He hadn’t told his father that this particular pie had been made low-fat and sugar free, because he knew his father would have objected. He didn’t want to argue about it, and he was grateful to Chelsea for preparing something that was both heart-healthy and delicious.
“I know it’s crazy,” he said now. “But the crib actually seems pretty sturdy. I mean, I’d have gotten her a nice one if she asked me to, but it seemed like she never even thought of that. I don’t know why.”
“Because she doesn’t see you that way, Miles,” his father said slowly. “Do you realize that?”
