Miles glanced over. “I used to carry that thing everywhere.”
“That’s adorable. What was his name?”
“Bear.”
Chelsea raised her eyebrows. “Your bear’s name was Bear?”
He laughed. “I was a very literal little kid,” he said. “One time someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said, ‘A grown-up.’”
“Well, mission accomplished on that score, I guess,” Chelsea chuckled. “Whatever happened to Bear? Is he in one of these boxes, you think?”
“Oh, maybe. I haven’t thought about Bear in ages,” Miles said. “He might be in here.” He felt a sudden pang of longing, thinking about the old creature. It was too bad he had to go in to the office today — and how long had it been since he’d had a desire to stay home from work? He wanted to go through all these boxes in their entirety now, to see whether Bear was in here somewhere.
“If we find him, can we give him to the baby?” Chelsea asked.
“It’ll be up to you, I guess,” Miles said. “You’ll have to look at the thing and see whether you think it’s appropriate to give to our kid. It’s kind of ratty. Maybe you’d rather have a new toy.”
“We can have both,” Chelsea said. “You know… your dad didn’t send all these old things over because he didn’t think you could afford to buy new ones. He knows you can. He thought you might have some nostalgia for them, that’s all.”
She flipped another page in the album. “Wow. Look at this.”
Miles looked. It was a picture of his father holding him. “That’s funny.”
“What’s funny about it?”
“He didn’t spend a lot of time with me at that age,” Miles explained. “He was always so busy. Always off at work. I wouldn’t have thought there would be any pictures of the two of us together. I don’t remember spending much time with him as a kid, that’s for sure.”
“Well, it must have happened,” Chelsea said. “Look at him. He looks so thrilled here. He looks like you’re the best thing he’s ever seen.” She hesitated. “This is how he looks at you now, you know.”
“He must have had a few drinks.”
Chelsea swatted Miles’s arm gently. “He adored you, Miles,” she said. “And he still does. You can see that. Just look at him. And trust me when I say, this is the same look I see in his eyes every time the three of us are together. He was watching you like this when we were at the fair. He’s incredibly proud to have you as his son. It’s obvious. And he was feeling that same pride here.”
Miles went quiet, studying the picture. Was it possible Chelsea was right? Had his dad been looking at him with admiration?
One thing was sure: Miles had always looked up to his father. He had always thought his father was the most amazing man in the world. When he was a boy, his father had been his hero — tall, strong, wonderfully clever, with people who listened to everything he had to say and followed his orders without question. Miles had known exactly who he’d wanted to be when he grew up.
And it had happened. Looking at this picture, the resemblance between his father and himself was impossible to deny. They were the image of one another, with their dark eyes and dark hair, their neatly tailored suits and expensive haircuts. He’d turned into exactly the man his father was.
Except that he didn’t have to contract with a surrogate to have a baby for him. He was able to do it with a woman he really loved.
Miles’s stomach twisted at the thought of what his father would say if he found out about what he was doing. He sure wouldn’t have that expression of pride on his face if he knew this wasn’t a pregnancy born of love, and that Chelsea wasn’t his real girlfriend. He wouldn’t be angry — he would still welcome the baby. But he would be disappointed.
Well, it doesn’t matter, Miles told himself firmly.He isn’t going to find out, so what difference does it make? None.
But as he thought about how much he had looked up to his father in his youth, he found himself hoping powerfully that his child would feel the same way toward him. He thought back to the times when he had gazed up at his father with wonder and admiration.I want to be my kid’s hero too, just like Dad was mine. Just like he still is.
Chelsea flipped the page again. The next spread was full of pictures of Miles by himself, engaged in the various activities of babyhood. His parents were no longer featured. But the image of his father, young and strong and looking with pride at his newborn son, stayed with Miles.
That’s going to be me soon. My God, I hope I’m ready for it. I hope I can be as good a father to my kid as Dad was to me.
But for the first time, real doubt about what he was doing had crept in. Miles had no idea how to be a father, and he knew it. How was he going to handle all the challenges that lay ahead?
CHAPTER 14
CHELSEA
Oh, this is useless. I’m never going to get to sleep.
