And whoever this baby turned out to be, he would be its father. That was powerful. Miles had a good relationship with his own father, so the idea of fatherhood meant something to him. He would be on the opposite end of that equation when this baby was born. He could only guess at what that would feel like, but he was sure it would be something special.
Miles had always gotten everything he’d wanted in life, so he had never doubted that if he wanted a child, he would have one. He couldn’t relate to Chelsea’s feelings of anxiety, her fear that becoming a parent might not be possible. Looking at her now and seeing her shell-shocked by the realization that it was really happening — he couldn’t relate to that. What must this be like for her?
What’s this like for me?For a moment, he allowed himself to focus on what he was feeling. He had only recently realized that this was what he wanted in life, how did it feel to know that it was really going to happen?
Chelsea reached over and put a hand on his arm. “Are you happy? I know this doesn’t mean as much to you as it does to me — or at least not for the same reasons. But I’m so happy, I feel like I could float right through the ceiling. I hope you’re happy too, Miles. I really do. This is so wonderful. I know it’s happening fast.”
He shook his head, trying to rid himself of his excess of emotion. He needed to be practical here. “It’s what we wanted,” he said. “We wanted it to happen quickly. We planned for that. You don’t have to worry that it’s going to be a disappointment to me — this was exactly what I hoped would happen.”
“I know that,” she agreed. “But there’s a difference between planning and hoping, and… actually facing it. I wouldn’t fault you if you were feeling apprehensive now.”
“Areyou?” He turned to look at her, concern for her well-being suddenly returning.
“Of course,” she said. “I want this more than anything. You know I do. But it’s also the biggest thing that’s ever happened in my life, and it’s happening all at once, so quickly. I don’t know what it will be like. I don’t know how I’m going to feel or what I’m going to do with those feelings. It’s so much to process.” She sighed, “More than anything, I just want to be a good mother. I’ve always believed I had it in me to be, but now it’s going to be put to the test, and the stakes are suddenly so high.”
“You’re going to be great,” Miles assured her.
She pressed her lips together, a frown creasing her brow. “I want to believe you’re right, but you really haven’t known me all that long,” she pointed out. “How can you be so sure?”
“My dad was pretty sure about you,” Miles smiled. “And I’m the same way, Chelsea. He and I have this in common. We always have. We’re both great at gauging people quickly, sizing them up and determining their good qualities. You’re a very caring person. I can tell that about you already, and I admire it.” He hesitated, “I don’t know if you know this, but I lost my mother when I was young. I understand why it’s important for a child to have a good mother in their life. I wish I’d had mine for longer than I did. And I wouldn’t be doing this with you if I didn’t have faith that you could be that kind of mother to our child, Chelsea.”
Chelsea studied her hands.
“I know this is a lot,” Miles said. “Even though it’s what we wanted, actually facing it is different. You’re right about that. But we can get through it. We can manage it together. And the truth is that I’m… well, I’m more excited than I thought I was going to be.”
Chelsea looked up and smiled at him, she looked relieved. “I’m so glad you feel that way,” she said softly. “I don’t know what I would do without you. I can’t believe I was ever thinking of doing this on my own, Miles. I think I would be sitting here absolutely terrified right now if I didn’t have someone in it with me. And I’m glad it’s you, too.”
The warmth that spread through Miles at those words was completely unexpected. He hadn’t thought much about how he would feel about having a child, but even if he had thought about it, he would never have considered the mother’s approval to be something he needed. Of course she wanted to do this with him— who wouldn’t? He could provide all the resources she and the baby were ever going to need. Any sensible woman would embrace that, and Chelsea was clearly smart enough to know a good thing when she saw it. And yet, Miles had the feeling it wasn’t only his money she was embracing. The way she was looking at him now seemed deeper than that, as if she was seeinghimand not just the resources he could offer her. As if she was saying he would be a good father.
I can’t believe how much I want to be a good father.
Before he could process that thought, or respond to anything Chelsea had said, there was a knock on the door and Dr. Montgomery re-entered the room.
“How are we doing in here?” she asked gently.
“Thank you,” Chelsea smiled. “You were right. I think we needed a moment. We’re doing well now. This is so exciting — I can’t believe it actually worked as quickly as it did. It really does feel like it was meant to be.”
“Well, let’s get your next few appointments set up,” the doctor suggested, sitting down at her desk and typing away at her computer.
Miles stopped paying attention as the women discussed various dates and the multivitamins Chelsea needed to start taking. The interruption had given him the space he needed to step back from his feelings, and now rational thought was starting to creep back in.
Yes, he wanted to be a good father — because this child was his responsibility, and Miles Aspin took all his responsibilities seriously. Yes, he was glad the fertility treatment had worked quickly, because it meant that his plan was coming togetherand that he would be able to give his father the grandchild he yearned for. That was what these feelings were about. He had allowed himself to be swept away by the emotion of the moment, but he was over that now. He was going to keep his mind where it should be — focused on making sure he satisfied his father’s expectations and provided an heir. That was what this was all about, in the end.
Chelsea had finished her conversation. She got to her feet and beamed at Miles, and he knew that he couldn’t let her know he hadn’t been paying attention. He would catch up on the important information later. He thanked Dr. Montgomery, and followed Chelsea to the door.
As they left the clinic and walked to the car, Chelsea kept turning to smile at Miles. He returned her smiles, but he felt grateful that she wasn’t trying to prolong their earlier conversation. If she had tried to talk to him again, Miles was sure he would have gone for it — and before he knew it, he would find himself carried away, romanticizing this process again. That wasn’t something he wanted to allow himself to do. This was strictly business. Nothing more.
CHAPTER 10
CHELSEA
“I’ll meet you there,” Miles said over the phone as Chelsea pulled into Silas’s driveway a week later.
“You’ll meet me here when, though?” Chelsea asked. “Because you were supposed to be home two hours ago, and we were going to drive over together. That was the original plan. You said we’d get ready together to have dinner with your dad, and that we’d have a chance to talk through what we wanted to discuss with him.”
“Right,” Miles said. “I know I did. But something came up at work.”
Chelsea sighed. “I can’t believe you’re blowing me off for work. You know I’ve only met your father one time before today. This is my first time seeing him since I officially learned I was pregnant. Youshouldbe here today, Miles.”
