“That’s not my place to say, but it’s something that affects you. Something you need to know about.” She stands, shouldering her purse. “So, you have a choice. You can sit here in your fancy office, being miserable and alone, convinced that you’ve burned every bridge. Or you can get on a plane to Maine and have an honest conversation with the woman you love.”
“She might slam the door in my face.”
“She might. But at least you’ll have tried. At least you’ll know for certain, instead of spending the rest of your life wondering ‘what if.’” Lois heads for the door, then pauses. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re good for each other. I think you make each other better. I saw it at that camp—how she challenged you, how you grew, how you both softened around the edges. That’s rare, Calvin. That’s worth fighting for.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I admit. “I don’t know if I’m capable of being what she needs.”
“Then maybe start by being honest about that. Tell her you’re scared. Tell her you’re broken. Tell her you don’t know if you can do this but you want to try.” She opens the door. “That’s all any of uscando, you see? Show up honestly and hope it’s enough.”
After she leaves, I sit at my desk for a long time, staring at the piece of paper with Georgia’s address.
Important news. News that affects me.
What could that mean? Something about the project? Something about Ella? Is she okay? The thought sends a spike of panic through me. What if something happened to her?
No. Lois wouldn’t be this calm if something was wrong with Ella.
I pull up my calendar. Tomorrow is full of meetings. The day after, a board presentation. The rest of the week is similarly packed.
I could clear it. Could tell Ollie to reschedule everything. Could be on a plane first thing tomorrow morning.
But then what? Show up at Georgia’s door and say… what?
I’m sorry?
I love you?
I’m broken but I want to try to be better?
All of it sounds inadequate. Insufficient for the magnitude of what I destroyed.
And there’s still the very real possibility that she’ll tell me to leave. That she’s moved on. That whatever we had is too shattered to rebuild. That the “important news” is something terrible—that she’s seeing someone else; that she never wants to hear from me again; that Ella has forgotten me entirely.
The thought of facing that rejection, of having my worst fears confirmed, of knowing definitively that I’ve lost them forever… it might destroy me completely. But not knowing is its own kind of destruction. Slow. Corrosive. A lifetime of wondering.
I pick up my phone and call the agency that handles travel logistics for me. One call to them and they’ll have my jet ready ASAP, pilots and a stewardess good to go.
It only takes one call. One decision. One act of courage.
Or cowardice, depending on the outcome.
I think about Georgia’s face when we first kissed. The way she looked at me in the lamplight, soft and open and trusting. I think about Ella calling my name. “Cav-cav! Cav-cav!” Tiny hands reaching for me with absolute faith that I would catch her. I think about the life I could have had with them. The family. The love. The belonging. And I think about the life I’m living now. Empty. Successful. Hollow.
Lois is right. I have to try.
Even if it ends in disaster. Even if Georgia tells me to leave and never come back. Even if the “important news” is something that breaks my heart all over again.
At least I’ll know.
I make the call. One flight to Portland. Tomorrow morning.
Then I sit back in my chair, my heart racing, wondering what the hell I’ve just committed to. And what “important news” could possibly be waiting for me in a cottage by the sea in Maine.
CHAPTER 27
GEORGIA
The beach is cold, but I don’t mind. There’s something soothing about the gray November sky, the crash of waves, the way Ella toddles along the sand in her too-big winter coat that we got last weekend and that she’ll grow out of within the next couple months.
