Pain explodes across the entirety of my back and head as I fly into the bars separating me from Riot. My ears ring, and I can't catch my breath, but I reach for Riot anyway. Through my slitted, heavy eyes, I watch him lunge for me, but he's too slow.
"FIREFLY!" he screams, dropping to his knees right as I'm dragged away from him by my foot. I expect more fists and feet, but I learn fast that next on the agenda is mental torment.
With his sweaty hand in my hair, the guard yanks me up to my knees hard enough to pull some strands out. Swallowing the gag that tries to make my chest convulse at his proximity, I hold on to the last shreds of defiance I can. I look him in the eye as he speaks down to me.
"You're all the same," he growls low, hatred radiating off him. "High maintenance, unnatural, needy fucking whores. You aren't wanted. You're required by biology. But you can existwithout being so motherfucking annoying. Do as you're told,omega," he spits my designation like it's an insult.
Every word he says hits each vulnerable place in my brain. He spoke them as if he was reading them word for word from my parents’ script. This alpha, who doesn't know the first thing about me, found the exact words to make me drop my gaze. Not out of submission, but shame. He just beat my shame to shreds.
The fight leaves my body as I hear my parents' words tumbling around in my mind, bruising my confidence and chipping away at my adrenaline. Without my connection to my pack, I don't have their voices to combat the insecurities rising to the surface.
High maintenance, needy, unnatural, annoying...Everything I fear I am. Everything I fear my pack thinks. Is that how Riot perceives me too? I can feel his exasperation and annoyance with me constantly...but I'm just beingme. Maybe being me is the problem. Could I be bruise-less and comfortable with blankets if I hadn't pushed back so hard?
"There! See? That's a good omega, all docile and sad." The guard pats my head like I'm a dog, then plants his hand on my forehead and shoves me.
"Hey!" Riot shouts as I tumble onto my back.
I allow my head to thunk back onto the hard floor and become everything everyone wants me to be. Nothing.
Zoning out in my negative thoughts, I only feel a little relieved that the bastard left without taking my jeans. His dark chuckle lingers long after he's gone, drowning out Riot's overwhelming concern for me.
I wish I could tell him I'll be fine. This isn't something I haven't dealt with before. I would tell him I'm chemically depressed and had shitty parents who didn't like me which contributes to my low days. That the guard just brought it allrushing back to the surface. He stripped away my fight-or-flight response and smothered me in everything I hate about myself.
I'd also tell him to enjoy my dip into depression while it lasts because this is about as low maintenance as I can get. I'll be back to annoying him with my unnatural tendencies soon enough.
For now though, I'll just float and zone out. It's probably how everyone prefers me anyway.
Twenty-Seven
Kade
I've hit my limit. "Stop."
Jarek huffs but at least he apologizes. There's only so many times I can listen to him do his deep breathing exercises. Instead of driving me absolutely batshit with his heavy breathing, he starts counting back from one hundred. At least he's quiet.
If I were driving, I would have the volume all the way up, but Silas needs silence to focus on driving. That's one of the main reasons he's rarely our designated driver when we're out as a pack.
I probably would have been able to rest had Jarek been driving, but he needs to focus on getting through to Vivian. I'm so fucking scared to try because I fear pushing harder will make me lose what little I have right now.
Thunking my head back on the headrest, I try to tune out my alpha mate in the passenger seat in front of me. Jarek has looked ready to pass out for an hour now but he keeps at it. We need him to bust our omega's fucking walls down.
My teeth ache from grinding them together for over two days. I don't think my jaw has relaxed once since Vivie went missing.
One of our contacts was able to get security footage of the grocery store exit. Hearing that Vivie walked out all on her own without a fucking care for her safety or us was gut-wrenching.
She knows better. We have rules in place for a damn reason. Vivie knows this. So why? What was so important to risk her safety for? Or who?
Was she threatened? Or saw someone she knew?
There are so many questions, and the worst part of all is the fear that I'll never know the truth. Each minute that passes feels exponentially harder.
"Jarek, you okay?" Silas snaps me out of my downward spiral with his worry for our mate. "Hey," he says a bit more urgently, patting Jarek's thigh.
"Pay attention to the road," I mutter to my beta. Unbuckling my seatbelt, I bend forward as far as I can and lean over the center console. I immediately know what's wrong with Jarek.
His eyes are wide, breathing labored, and he's clawing at his chest. He's having a panic attack. I pull his hands away quickly and place his hand on my chest. It's an awkward position but a necessary one.
Willing my heart to stay calm, I speak in low tones, trying to get him to calm down. "Alright, Jay. I have you. I'm here. Just try to breathe with me, okay?"
