My first week at college, I was plagued with anxiety over the fact that I could feel my mates. Sometimes when I closed my eyes and focused, I couldseetheir bonds in my mind. I thought it was my overactive imagination until Silas found me and his blue aura swirled around me, lighting me up with joy and excitement.
Only after we had fully bonded with mating bites did their tethers touch me and become one with me. That was also the time I realized my glowing butterflies were real too. I enjoyed conjuring them up in my mind when I was sad. They were my subconscious.
I was looked at like a freak and something to be tested when I told my parents. I believed them right up until an omega, Amaya, reached out to Kade and told him she experienced the same thing. Kade spent a long time researching my ability, leading him to some omegas who were victims of the abuse of the Premium Designation Academy.
Our working theory is that the trauma we endured unlocked something in our brains and expanded our ability to connect with those we're fated to be with. It's a privilege and something to be celebrated.
Amaya explained her subconscious as a sparkly gold space where she would actually speak with her pack and see them. Her pack, when focused and determined enough, could go there toobut usually only in traumatic times of need. Not like Amaya and me, where it's a space that constantly exists and welcomes me with open arms whenever I call on it.
So why, when everything is good and wonderful, is there an intruder in my fucking pack bond? I'm debating on reaching out to Amaya, someone I might consider a friend if she didn't live on the other side of the continent, when the buzzing intensifies and I can't sit any longer.
Standing from the couch, I don't even take a moment to see if my mates are still in their office. Instead I allow my eyes to blur and my body to dissociate.
What are you?
Where are you?
Leaving the present behind, I take flight and flutter toward the redness.Why are you here?
The further I go, the chillier it gets. I barely notice the ice pricks against my skin the longer I pursue this.
Who are you?
Almost like it’s trembling, the red line flutters in one spot, circling over and over again. Absently I feel the hairs on my arms rise in response to the metallic static radiating from it like a live wire.
Why is this here? Why can I feel it? How can I scent the earthy undertones and feel the electricity of its vibrations?
And more importantly, why do I feel the urge to reach out and soothe its chaos? It warps from side to side, up then down. Never staying in one spot, getting closer then shooting off into the distance. It makes me wonder if it's always lived with me, just further away. Like my alphas and beta, the closer I got to them before we bonded, the closer I could see their tethers. Their claiming solidified their hold on me, choosing never to fade away or leave.
From the bottom up, I feel like I'm icing over. As if leaving the sanctuary of my pack is freezing me from the inside out. I should shake myself out of it, but I think I'm already shaking.
Is it the adrenaline of possibly finding another mate? Or something sinister? Am I on the cusp of something dangerous and dark?
Please don't let it be dark. I can't handle much more. I have my own monsters to deal with, and I can't handle an outside monster.
At that thought, I decide I need my pack. I shouldn't have allowed myself to wander so far from them.
"VIVIAN!"
My eyes spring open at the roar of my name only to slam shut immediately against the onslaught of a torrential downpour stabbing my eyeballs. The shock of finding myself out in a storm and attempting to stumble back inside sends me sprawling into a freezing puddle of mud and rainwater. My knees, which buckled, now scream as they catch me. If ice could build up around my kneecaps, I would be frozen to the bone.
Not only am I startled to realize I wandered toward the edge of our property, but I'm struggling to catch my breath after being yanked back into my body so viciously.
Fear and a deep chill keep me rooted on my elbows and knees as the shouting of my pack increases. Blinking rapidly, I try to force my focus to cooperate. I squeeze handfuls of mud in my hands in an attempt to ground myself.
Emotion and a ball of fear keep my voice thoroughly locked away. Stress continues to build as I register the absolute terror and urgency barreling at me through the bond.
My pack is close but can they help me with this? Will this be the one thing I'm alone with?
I don't want to be alone.
At that thought, my head snaps up and my mouth opens in a silent wail.Help me!I'm freezing, I'm scared, and I don't know what to do.
Kade comes into focus, his purple eyes wild, black hair soaked to his forehead, and button-up shirt plastered to his wide chest. "VIVIAN!" he screams, sprinting through the large yard. He's so close yet so far away.
My heart lurches and my muscles bunch. A snarling, frustrated sound explodes in my mind—my omega needs out, needs her alpha!
I can't take it anymore; my limbs fire with adrenaline. Scrambling to my bare feet, I slip and struggle, then take off at a painful run.Alpha!
