Silence. Then Candace speaks. “Adam’s making a personal choice, but he’s not holding you back. That means a lot. He wants your happiness, even if you fly solo.”
Little does my friend know how poignant her choice of words are to me.
“Whatever you choose, we’re behind you,” April concedes. “But I still think you should go for it.”
I snicker. “Says the girl who never takes no for an answer.”
“Till the day I die,” she shoots back.
We all laugh. “Seriously, I love you two. Thanks for listening.”
“Love you,” Candy says passionately.
“Call us when you decide,” April says.
“I will.”
We end the call. I stay seated on the bed, staring out the window, needing time alone to percolate on my friends’ advice. But I’m still no closer to a decision. I’m at a crossroads. And one path doesn’t include Adam.
But we love each other. And isn’t that what matters most? Do I choose to put my career first and hope that Adam and I can maintain a long-distance relationship that will eventually lead to him joining me someday? Or do I put my dreams to bed and stay with him in Heartsboro, potentially regretting this decision?
I don’t want to lose this relationship, but the opportunity before me may never come again. And if I decide to go, I risk what I have with Adam forever.
The ultimate question I have to ask myself is, if I put love first, does that mean I’m putting myself and my own dreams… last?
***
I run my fingers across the fabric of the cerulean dress that started it all. The one my grandmother hand-embroidered. The same dress I wore when I won Miss Georgia Peach, and later to Roxy’s wedding, where it was mistaken for a designer gown. A dress I shoved into a backpack and wore on top of a mountain at the edge of a thundering waterfall with my arms open wide among the mist.
It was an innocent idea, ourBeauty and the Beastproject. One I hoped would bring Adam and me closer together, not tear us apart.
Standing in the stillness of my vacant apartment on the second floor, I notice how the natural light hits the blue fabric differently. The color reminds me of clear skies and tranquil waters, evoking a sense of calm. When was the last time I felt that way? The answers come instantly: With Adam on our road trip and witnessing the sun reflecting off Mirror Lake. The Mesa Arch at sunrise. Wide open spaces of the Texas Hill Country. The home stretch over the Great Smoky Mountains. The sky in my own backyard.
I don’t need a global campaign to feel beautiful. If Mr. Jardo knew my “magnifique” photo included me wearing a sweaty sports bra and hiking shoes underneath this dress, he might be singing a different French tune. Let’s not forget, I wasn’t wearing a stitch of makeup, and I’m pretty sure my tangled, unwashed hair held a leaf and maybe even a twig or two as I stretched my arms toward the heavens.
Adam is the one who captured my spirit that day. It’s his talent and keen eye that should be recognized, not some former MissPeach reliving her glory days in a handsewn pageant dress. Maybe being a beauty queen has always been about validation, attention, and proving myself to the world. Adam sees me as a real person, not an image. Maybe this entire idea of me being the poster child for a luxury perfume line is me seeing it as proof that I’m still valuable.
I remember sitting around one of the many campfires we had while on our road trip. We were somewhere near the Grand Canyon, and I’ll never forget what Adam said to me that night as we were stargazing after a long day of hiking. He was trying to explain the most meaningful lesson he’d learned during his career.
“Achievements only matter if you enjoy the process,”he’d said.“No matter how I feel or how the world seems, when I take my camera and pay close enough attention, I’m able to uncover the beauty hidden in plain sight through everything else going on. As hard as it is sometimes, I keep seeking the light. I’ve learned over the years that it’s always available. I just have to choose to see it.”
I hang my dress up in the closet and close the door, realization hitting me between the eyes. It’sAdamwho should be recognized for the infamous photo, not me. I know myBeauty and the Beastidea is a good one. But if I’m being honest with myself, I’m not so sure I could model someone else’s vision. I want to collaborate with Adam. We’re radiant together. I’ve never laughed so much as I have since he came into my life. It’s like we lean into this indescribable, easy warmth of two people who have chosen each other completely.
But have we? Have I?
There was one flashing moment in my life when I thought I was special. It’s when I won Miss Georgia Peach. Since then, my name has long been forgotten, and I’ve led a very common life. Until Adam.
Now, I feel like I’ve achieved incredible success, because I can honestly say I’ve loved another with my entire heart and soul. Shouldn’t that be enough? I know it won’t be easy. Nothing ever is in life. We’re going to have to work at it. Long distance is really not an option either because I know myself. I’ll pine for him every day. Every waking hour without him. I want Adam. I want all of him, and I’m pretty darn sure he wants all of me. I want us to be together.
Forever.
I sit on the edge of the bed with a thump. “There’s your answer,” I whisper to myself.
I close my eyes, visions of Adam vividly filling my mind. It’s his light that fills my world with beauty and purpose. I choose the light.
I choose Adam.
Chapter Thirty
