I hold out my empty wine glass. “Okay, okay. He’s more than sweet. He’s… complicated, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
“All right. Now we’re getting somewhere.” She nods. “Let’s keep the dialogue going. Tell us another positive attribute about this guy.”
“Yeah,” Candace adds. “Like, what are his hobbies? What’s he like in bed?”
“Candy!” I laugh, thankful for a bit of levity in our conversation.
“Shhh! You’ll wake up Grant and the boys. Keep it down. But seriously. Have you slept with him?”
I draw a heart on the condensation of the wine bottle and don’t answer.
April giggles. “You’re in deep, aren’t you?”
“I love him,” I say simply. I’m not sure what I want. But I know how I feel.
“Wait. What?”
“You love him?”
Candace and April comment at the same time, their words overlapping.
“You heard me. I love him. And now he’s gone.”
The legs of the kitchen chair make a scraping sound as Candace abruptly gets up. “Hold on. We’re gonna need another bottle for this.”
***
Leaving my friends behind in the living room, I sigh as I trudge up the steps to the second-floor guest bedroom of Candy’s two-story home. I’m sluggish and tipsy from the wine. Talking about my feelings with my friends wasn’t something I wanted to do, but maybe it’s what I needed. Maybe I needed their perspective. And maybe they’re right, and it’s time for something new to keep my mind occupied while Adam’s away. Whatever that is, I have no clue.
Once alone, I plop onto the bed fully clothed and drape my arm over my eyes. Images of Adam fill my mind—a warm smile, the way he makes me feel like I’m the only one who matters. But Iknow that can’t be true. He’ll never get over loving his wife and child, nor should he. I’m awful for wishing otherwise.
But I can’t help it. I hate this feeling of being in second place. If you truly love someone, you should make them feel like they’re number one. I want to feel secure and deeply valued. I want to be included in his life. All of it. The good, the bad, and the tragic. I don’t think it’s too much to ask the man that I love to turn toward me during a crisis rather than running away with his dog.
“You’re needy and pathetic,” I whisper. “Give him space.”
A sudden light knock at the door snaps me out of my self-imposed misery. “Come in.”
Candace steps into the bedroom and smiles. She’s holding a bottle of water and a container of ibuprofen. “Hey. I figured you might need these for later.”
I struggle to sit up. “You’re such a good mom.”
She laughs. “Thanks.”
“Did April’s Uber pick her up yet?”
“Yes. She’s gone.” She sits on the edge of the bed and sets the items on the nightstand. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
I nod and twinge from the motion, my head starting to pound from the copious amounts of white wine I consumed. “I’ll be fine. I always am.”
Candace places her hand over mine. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re an amazing friend, and an even more amazing woman.”
I make a silly face at her. “Oh, stop.”
“No. Hear me out, okay? There’s a reason you and Adam met. There’s a reason you fell in love with him. I wouldn’t give up so easily, girl.”
“I didn’t say I was giving up.”
“What you’ve done for him after everything that’s happened… He’s a lucky guy to be loved by you.”
