Shaking his head, he grabs a napkin from the middle of the table and swipes at his mouth.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to meddle.”
“You’re not meddling. Roxy’s my cousin. We grew up together. Her dad was my mother’s brother. My Uncle Chip.”
I’m surprised. “Was?”
“Yeah. He died ten years ago.”
As sad as that is, I feel a strange mix of relief and guilt. My hands fidget as I admit, “I thought Roxy might be someone special because of all the phone calls and texts. But silly me thought she was a girlfriend, or maybe an an ex-wife. She’s certainly persistent.”
My comment makes him chuckle. “Yes, she is. Roxy is more like a tenacious little sister than a cousin to me.”
“Is she okay?” I know I’m crossing a line with all of my questions. But I want Adam to know he can trust me. That he can open up and tell me the reason why he’s been running for so long.
“She’s fine. She’s getting married in a month.”
I’m surprised. “Oh, how wonderful. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” He leans his forearms on the table and forks the last bite of food into his mouth. I study the crease between his brows, my own mouth tightening in concern as I watch him chew. A heavy silence stretches between us.
“You don’t seem very happy about it.”
“I am happy for her. Like I said, Roxanne’s more like a sister to me than a cousin.”
“Then tell me what’s wrong.”
Adam chews his food slowly, as if making up his mind to tell me more. “All right.” He crumples his napkin and tosses it next to his empty plate. “Roxy is the only person I’ve kept in touch with since I left California. I don’t have any other siblings or cousins, and my parents have both passed away. She’s it. We’ve had these weekly phone calls for two years, and every single time we talk, she begs me to come back home.” He takes another swig of his beer. “I miss her. I do. When my Uncle Chip died, she made me promise that if she ever got married, I’d be the one to walk her down the aisle.”
“I’m so sorry about your uncle. But how sweet of you to make that promise to her.” The earlier text message on Adam’s phone suddenly makes perfect sense.
“I remember it like it was yesterday.” He stares off into space as he recalls the memory. “We were in my old Chevy, driving down to Santa Cruz for the day. I wanted to take her to the beach to get her mind off her dad’s funeral. Roxy had her feet up on the dashboard, and I remember her hair smelling like coconut shampoo as it whipped in the wind with the windows down.” He laughs to himself and blinks. “I don’t know why I just remembered that smell.”
“Go on,” I say gently.
“We were singing along to Tom Petty on the radio. Gosh, she was so off-key and loud.”
I giggle as I watch a small smile lift one corner of his mouth.
“I also remember the smell of that day: salt water, hot asphalt, and cheap sunscreen. Roxy grabbed my hand over the gear shift and said to me, ‘Adam, you’re going to be the one to walk me down the aisle when I find the right guy and get married.’ I didn’t disagree. I was willing to do just about anything to see her happy again.” He pauses and rubs his hand across his stubble. “I don’t remember much about my uncle’s funeral. But the memory of that day going to the beach is so sharp, like it happened yesterday. It’s very hard for me to even think about breaking her heart.”
“It sounds like y’all are very close.”
“We are. We were.” He shrugs, the motion heavy, defeat written in the slump of his shoulders. “I don’t know anymore… the wedding is coming up fast.”
“So, are you going to do it? Are you going to keep your promise and go back to California and walk her down the aisle?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t been back in two years.” His voice drops to a low murmur, raw uncertainty flickering in his eyes. “I’m not so sure I can ever go back.”
“Why, Adam? What happened that makes you not ever want to go back?” I implore.
His broad chest lifts in a heavy sigh. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Keri. Can we shelve it for now and talk about it later?” A distant, hollow look settles in his eyes, as if he's remembering something far beyond the room we’re sitting in.
“That’s fine. But we will talk about it, right?” I hold my breath.
He swallows hard and nods, the weight of the world settling across his shoulders once again. “Yes. I promise.”
***
