It gives me some more time to think—not that I need more, my God—but it’s hard to reconcile the old me, the version that was Nova, with this version. Everything is a struggle. It’s like everything I pushed down for the last couple of years is spewing up, making it so I can barely function.
I wasn’t lying about the therapy.
This Claire is one I’ve never met before. Pre-Cano, I was lively and free. Then I was too focused on bringing Cano down to worry about anything else. Now? I feel like I’m simultaneously drowning and lost. I have no clue who I am anymore, and it’s fucking scary. I hate it. And I’m supposed to bring a tiny human into this world? I can barely take care of myself right now.
My hand goes to stroke my belly.
Adam is the only person who makes me feel like I’m some version of myself.
But I can’t rely on him to figure my shit out. It’s not fair to either of us, or this baby. I owe it to all three of us to work on myself in order to be the best mother, and partner hopefully, to this new little family of mine.
Jesus, I hate this version of myself.
I shake my head at myself just as Adam pulls up to the MET. His hand lies gently on top of mine like a promise.
He’s here for me. I’m not alone. I can break down, and he will still be here to help me through it all.
We silently get out of the car and walk up to the main entrance.
“Hello there. We’re here to see Dr. Green,” Adam says with so much charm to the poor unsuspecting woman at the front desk.
“Sure, let me just call her.”
We wait less than two minutes before a frantic young woman comes bustling out from the elevator.
“Hi! Hello. You must be Adam and Claire.” She holds her hand out to shake ours.
We nod and stand a little shocked. She’s young, a hell of a lot younger than I anticipated. Probably my age or a little younger. She’s also very frazzled.
“Sorry, I get lost in research and lose track of time. Right this way.” She gestures to the elevator she just vacated.
“Thanks so much for agreeing to see us, Dr. Green,” Adam says as soon as the doors close.
“Masie, please. And I’m happy to help.”
It takes a few minutes to reach her office, but once we’re there, the visual representation of the woman in front of me is plain as day. There are papers and half-open books on every surface. Her bookshelves aren’t organized in any manner, and the seating area is set up more like a desk since hers is almost completely unusable.
“So sorry for the mess. I have ADHD and a severe lack of organization. It’s not the greatest combo when it comes to research.” She gives a self-deprecating smile. “I do know where everything is, shockingly enough.”
“Impressive,” I mutter.
“Thanks!” She beams.
My cheeks heat that she heard me.
“So, we’re hoping you could give us some information on a couple of artifacts.
“Perfect. If I don’t have answers, I’ll find them for you. Research is my game.” She gestures to her office.
I can’t help but smile. She’s a mess, but in the best kind of way. She’s confident in her abilities and owns her not-so-great qualities. She doesn’t hide who she is and is so confident.
I’m jealous. This is exactly who I want to be for this baby growing inside of me. Confident yet human. Mistakes will happen, and I just need to find a way to be okay with that.
Adam pulls out pictures of a samurai sword and a couple of sculptures that they intercepted. “What we really need to know is where these items have been. If we can get the last known owner, that would be extremely helpful toward out investigation.”
“Ooh, yes, I can manage that. This one …” Masie taps the samurai sword. “Is this what I think it is?”
“The Honjo Masamune? Yes, it is.” Adam smiles.
