“Oh, don’t be such a martyr. I had choices. I made them. Now I get to live with what those choices mean. And the baby was a freak accident. I took my pill religiously, but we’re the lucky ones in the percentage when it fails.”
We stare at each other, at a loss for words, as the real word slams into us. His first visit was somehow a mirage. I was blinded by actually seeing him again. The real world is much less forgiving than a brief get-together where we can act like everything will magically work out.
“How did we get here?” Adam whispers.
“I wish I could answer that. It feels like I’ve lived a thousand years in the last year and a half. Yet I don’t even know who I am anymore. I have no prospects, no real job, no home, and a guy I really liked living with me, but I don’t even know the real him. Did I mention I’m having his baby?” I ramble.
“Liked?”
“Did you not hear the part where I don’t know you as Adam?” I give him a small smile.
“You know me far better than almost anyone.”
I wrap my arms around my knees as I bring them up to my chest—as much as I can with my belly in the way. “I just wish I could believe that. Maybe someday soon.”
There’s a gleam in his eyes that makes it feel like he’s taking my words as a challenge, and damn if I’m not eager to see what that looks like.
“Alright, catch me up.” I sit up a little straighter, with renewed motivation to take down what’s left of Cano’s crew.
Many hours later, I jolt up with a shock.
“Shit, sorry,” Adam whispers. “I was just trying to cover you up.”
“I fell asleep again?” I ask, confused. Sleep has been … hard since Cano’s death. Nightmares plague me, but I refuse to acknowledge it’s an issue. Since I’ve hit my second trimester, though, I sleep all the fucking time.
“Out cold for two hours.” He kneels down beside me. “I was just going to grab some extra blankets and crash on the floor. Go back to sleep.”
“Oh my God, no. Take the bed with me.” I stare at him in horror.
“Scoot. I need to be between you and the door.” His voice never rises higher than a whisper, lulling me into a feeling of safety I haven’t felt since before Charie died.
There are so many things I want to say to Adam, so many things I want to know. But sleep takes over before I can whisper a word.
There will be time to talk, and time to get answers.
Tonight is a night for catching up on some much-needed rest.
Maybe tomorrow, I’ll be less jaded.
Chapter 25
Adam
The dark circles under Claire’s eyes crack my heart into pieces. As she rests, I lie there in the darkened room, staring at the ceiling. My mind is running too fast. I’m not sure if I didn’t notice just how run-down Claire was before, or if I was too caught up in seeing her again and the knowledge that we made a kid, that I just ignored it, but I can’t now. It’s all I can think about.
How long has it been since she’s slept? How long has it been since she’s actually felt safe?
Long before Cano, I bet. Is she feeling okay? Is there a problem with the pregnancy?
I’ve been selfish, thinking only of myself and how badly I wanted to see Claire again. How much I wanted to see if the chemistry we built could continue.
I should have been wondering how she was coping with everything. After watching her tonight, her trying so hard to show me she’s okay, I finally think I understand.
I’ve told Woodcroft that coming here for was her own good, but now it’s time to actually act on that. It isn’t about me. It isn’tabout the artifacts or trying to catch the big players. I’m here to help Claire get over the trauma of her time with Cano, the loss of her brother, and this huge life change of bringing a baby into the world.
I scrub my hand through my hair and walk out to the living area.
Maybe I should shield her from the investigation altogether.
