“But …” My mind races as it tries to make sense of it all. “Why?”
“I’m not entirely sure, but if I had to venture a guess, I’d say it’s because she doesn’t really know who you are. Everything she learned about you was fake.”
“Not everything.”
“Explain that.”
I curse internally. “We got close. I ended up telling her things that were the real me and not just the Chris Roth cover.” My eyes don’t leave his finger tapping on his desk.
Until he stops. “You fell for her.” An observation, not a question.
“I didn’t have an answer for all the undercover shit.”
“That doesn’t mean you didn’t fall for her,” he counters.
“And she wasn’t Nova either,” I think out loud.
“But you knew that.”
“Did I?” I tilt my head, finally looking up at him. “I knew Nova was a fake name, but I’m not sure if it was a whole persona. I mean, how am I supposed to know what was real and what wasn’t with her?”
“Adam … We’ve been friends for a long time. You are headstrong and persistent like no one I’ve ever met. But you are also someone who cares with their whole chest. I think you go undercover so you can shove all those feelings you normally feel down deep and act like you don’t give a shit. But we all know you care too much. Is that what happened with Claire?”
“Fuuuuck. I don’t know. One minute I’m over the whole mission, and the next I’m sitting at a park with a woman I just met, talking until the sun comes up. I don’t think any of it was fake,” I admit.
“Listen, all I can do is offer her a chance to see you. If she doesn’t take it, I can’t let you go to her. It has to be her choice, and the last time we asked, she didn’t want to see you.” He sighs.
“I know. I’m just trying to figure out why. Is she spooked I’m a cop?” I can’t imagine she is after I spilled my deepest hopes as a kid to her.
“I don’t have answers for you, man. Just keep your head down, and let’s see how far this case goes.”
“And just act like she was never in my life?” I’m taking out my frustration on him, I know I am, but I’m losing my mind here.
“It’s not up to you. Two have to tango, my dude. Good work on the name, though. That’ll keep us busy for a minute.”
With that, I’m dismissed as he turns back to his computer.
“You want to talk about it?” Juliette asks as she parks herself in my visitor’s chair.
“Nope.”
“It’d probably help,” she continues.
“Oh, go back to your bullshit with Stone.” I sigh.
“Low fucking blow. I’m on your side, but if you want to be a moody little shit about it, then you’re running solo.” The chair shoves back as she stands and stomps back to her desk.
I look around at the team, who is currently giving me the side-eye. Even Stone.
“I’m sorry, J. That was fucked of me.”
“Yeah, it was. Get your head on straight,” she says.
I twist my arm so I can check my watch and see it’s close enough to the end of the day. “I’m out. Call me if you find anything else. Please.”
Juliette’s right. I do need to get my head on straight. If only the thought of Claire not wanting to see me didn’t stab me right in the chest.
Chapter 20
