“If you’re willing to deal with some emotions, I’d really like to go in. I know that’s a lot to ask.” I peer up at him.
“I’ll do anything you want right now. I just don’t want to do something that’s going to cause you pain, especially emotional one.”
This date has officially taken the worst turn in the history of dates. I should feel embarrassed, but I’m just grateful for a chance to be close to my brother once more. Maybe it’ll help direct me, lead me in the mission I’ve taken on.
With my tears dried up, I face him and nod that I’m ready to go. Once we’re out of the car, Chris’s hand hovers over my lower back as he leads us inside. We’re swooped past check-in and given a curt nod by an employee before being left alone in the exhibit.
I walk around, looking at the artwork, while Chris follows me from a distance. It’s like he knows I need a minute to just … be here. To remember Charlie and the life I once had. Sure, Chris doesn’t know details, but on some level, he understands it more than he should.
It’s a problem I’m choosing not to think about.
A walk through a room of sculptures makes me pause. This was Charlie’s thing. I love the history, and Charlie loved the artwork. Things that people could make with their hands and their imagination. He always thought it was fascinating that people could do such things. He once told me that he couldn’t draw a stick figure, but it didn’t deter him from loving all artwork. I’d like to think he made his own art in the form of architecture, even if he didn’t see it.
I don’t realize I’ve stopped, or that the tears are falling again, until Chris wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his chest.
“I’m sorry if this ended up being a terrible idea for our date,” he murmurs.
“No, it’s totally not you. This … I think this is something I needed, even if it sucks in ways. And it’s something I’ve been avoiding for far longer than I care to admit.” I try to tell him in my own way how much being here means to me. I can’t tell him about Charlie’s story in its totality, but I can let him know that I’m grateful to be here.
“Sometimes, facing our pasts is what we need to move forward, even if doing so hurts like a bitch.”
I laugh at his eloquent words mixed with the abrasive language. It works for the man, though.
“I’m not sure moving forward is in the cards for me,” I murmur.
“Maybe it just doesn’t look like what you thought it would,” he counters. “Moving forward means a lot of things. Sometimes, it’s just facing a hard truth and learning from it. That doesn’t change your whole life, but it’s still healing. It’s still progressing your life, just in minor ways.”
“You are very smart, you know that? And here I thought you were just some dumb dealer.” I smirk up at him.
His whole body tenses as he peers down at me. There’s something in his eyes, but I can’t quite make it out. Almost like he wants to tell me something but he’s shutting himself down.
The sad smile on his face confuses me even more. Is he sad this is where his life has gone? I mean, who plans to be a drug dealer, but it feels like more than that. Like there’s something else. Something he can’t tell me.
It should make me leery of him. It should make me pull back. Instead, I’m more intrigued than ever. I want to crack the outer shell that keeps all his secrets. I want to dig deeper into who Chris is and who he could be outside of this shitty world we live in.
Except I can’t because that would mean he would want to crack mine open as well.
“So, where to next?” His abrupt change of topic is welcome. I think we both need to shift to refocus ourselves.
“Umm, let’s just walk and see where life takes us.” I jolt at my words. Clingy, party of one.
“Sounds like a wonderful plan.” Chris gently presses on my lower back, leading me to the next room without drawing attention to careless words.
We stroll through four more rooms without uttering a word. As much as I’m overthinking everything with this man, I’m also so damn happy to be at the MET. I want to soak in every room. Remember this as a happy memory and a nod to Charlie. We talked about facing our pasts, but somehow, I never thought coming here would be the thing that unlocked all my anger toward my brother. It’s like the resentment I’ve built for his life taking a turn just melts away as I get deeper and deeper into the museum. I’m remembering the good man, the smart man, and my best friend.
Chris and I spend hours walking through each room. God only knows what Chris is thinking. He’s probably rethinking this date as a whole, but I’m taking full advantage of this huge healing moment for myself.
In the last couple of hours, I’ve felt more like Claire than I have in far too long. Nova is nowhere to be seen, and I fuckingmissClaire. More than I ever thought possible. It almost makes me rethink my plans, but I’ve worked too damn hard and sacrificed too damn much to go back now.
I’m so close I can practically taste it. Oscar Cano will go down, no matter the cost.
“Thank you,” I mutter as we head to the exit.
“No thanks needed. I’m glad I picked something you liked … for the most part.”
“I loved it. Every second. It just took me a minute to look past the sadness.” I smile up at him.
Chapter 7
