The thought still ringing loud and clear in my head is,How the fuck are we still married?
It’s a thought that I just can’t wrap my head around.
A cherry on top of an already fucked-up sundae.
Turning over in bed, I check my phone to see it’s ten in the morning, later than I’ve slept in far too many years. I also notice an influx of text notifications. A few from Arlo, which isn’t altogether shocking but not something I want to deal with right now, and the rest from the family group chat.
I open it up to hopefully distract myself for a few minutes.
Ledger:
Whose house are we doing family dinner at tonight?
Lennox:
I think I’m out tonight, guys, sorry. I tried to go for a little hike through the park, and I’m exhausted. I definitely overdid it.
The mix of feeling so damn happy he got out of the house and heartbroken he didn’t call any of us to help him is too much for my already heavily confused heart. I know this is a tremendous step, regardless of if I think it was right or wrong to go out by himself, and I need to count this as a huge win.
Me:
Look at you, getting out early and grabbing life by its balls.
I try to go for my usual sarcasm in the hopes my siblings don’t pick up on anything. I know, realistically, at dinner, I’m going to get grilled because there is no way the news of Arlo and me together at Sal’s hasn’t gotten around by then.
Lennox:
Yeah, it sounded good on principle, but now I’m paying for the lack of physical activity I’ve had in over a month.
Ledger:
No worries, if you change your mind, we can always bring the party to you. Just let us know.
Lennox:
Will do, thanks.
Willow:
Sorry, sorry! Got caught up writing a scene. Oakley and I will be there tonight. Lenny, awesome job! Proud of you! Now, get some sleep. We’ll drop off a sandwich on the way to dinner.
I flip the phone over, glad everyone is taken care of because I need a minute to figure out what’s in my head. The things I currently know are:
Arlo and I are technically still married.
I want to date Arlo.
I lost all my work in my workshop.
The trust I was starting to get back with Arlo feels completely broken.
And I have no idea where to go from here in my personal or professional life.
I don’t think I’ve felt this lost since my parents died and Arlo broke my heart fifteen years ago, which isn’t surprising. I assumed I wouldn’t ever be put in a position like this again. That I would close myself off to this feeling, and I had, until Arlo broke that down too.
Fucking Arlo.
Who the fuck files for divorce, sends the papers, and then doesn’t actually submit them? And doesn’t once have a conversation with me about it? I mean, shit, even for how young we were, that’s just appalling. I don’t understand his reasoning—not that I really heard him out if he had more of an explanation—but I’m honestly not sure any clarification would help me come to terms with all of this.
