I almost completely forgot about all the events of the last few weeks. “Well, when Lennox was in the hospital, I snuck off to just … feel it all. I needed to break down, and I didn’t want to do it in front of you all because you needed the strength. Arlo followed me, comforted me, andI forgot about all the reasons why being together was a bad idea.” I go on to explain the kiss and subsequent hook-ups, and I internally cringe at how quickly I fell back into his arms.
“There’s a lot to unpack there. First, why did you think you needed to hide from us? Everyone was crushed when Lennox was in the hospital. You should feel comfortable leaning on your family when you need support too. It’s not all on you and Ledger to hold strong in every shitty scenario.”
“I have a feeling you’ve given Ledger the same lecture.” I chuckle.
“You’d be right. It was hard for him, seeing Lennox in the hospital. He took it really hard but hid it from everyone. I swear, you elder Huttons are too damn stubborn for your own good.” She rolls her eyes. “Now, back to you. How did being with him again feel?”
I sit back against the arm of the couch and think about her question. The first word that comes to mind is safe, and it sends my mind reeling.
“What did you think just now?” Ainsley asks.
“That it felt safe. I felt safe to just be, to feel.” Pressure in the back of my eyes tells me I’m dangerously close to full-blown tears, but I need to talk this out.
“I feel that’s more telling than anything else you’ve said. You still feel safe with Arlo, even if you wish you didn’t.”
I contemplate her words, and she’s not wrong.
“Then what do I do?” I whisper.
“Do you feel like it’s possible to forgive him, truly forgive him, and move forward? I’m not saying this needs to happen now or even this year, but in the future, do you think you can forgive him?”
My thumb scratches the seam on my leggings, and I chew on my bottom lip, thinking about her question.
“I feel like I can forgive him eventually, but I’m not sure I can move forward as anything more than friends. It feels too easy to fall right back into his orbit, and that scares me more than anything,” I finally admit.
“And that’s perfectly okay. You don’t owe him anything more than you can give him willingly. Take things slow and make sure you are open with Arlo about your expectations between the two of you. You’re allowed to be scared, but I think you owe it to yourself to be completely honest with how you feel about him and what you want foryourfuture.” She reaches over and grabs my hand, squeezing it in support. I am so thankful she came back to Bluebell Falls and joined our family.
“Thank you,” I say softly, “for helping me talk through all of this.”
“Oh, Rina, you know I’m always here for you. We should come up with a secret code if you need to talk about things in the future, though. Ledger would shit a brick if he accidentally saw a text involving anything Arlo and you related,” she says, breaking the seriousness of our conversation.
I burst out laughing. “You have a point.”
She rubs her hands together, eager to come up with a secret spy name, I’m sure.
“What about Operation Tight Jeans?”
I laugh so hard I have tears streaming down my cheeks. “What the hell?” I wheeze out.
“What? He always wears those tight jeans. I may be with Ledger, but I’m not fucking blind, girl.” She giggles.
“We cannot name it that. Oh my God.” I clutch my chest, trying to catch my breath.
“Fine,” she huffs. “What about … a-a code like, ‘I need to talk about the bed I’m making.’ Get it? It’s like a double meaning, making your bedand lying in it, but you’re also sleeping with him.” She looks so pleased with herself I almost don’t have the heart to nix it.
“What about, ‘I need girl chat’? Straight and to the point and not something Ledger will question.”
“I still like the bed one, but fine. It’s your code anyway,” she grumbles.
“Well, thank you for allowing me to pick my own special code word so that we can talk about Arlo behind my brother’s back.”
“Anytime! I wonder if this is how Oakley felt being all secret spy agent,” she ponders seriously.
“I doubt it, but I still love you,” I tell her through my laughter.
“Buzzkill. Let me have this,” she says in faux indignation. “On that note, I need to get back to the office. We’re supposed to have a meeting with all our contractors, and Ledger is making me lead it.”
“The joys of working together.” I stand up with her and give her a crushing hug. “Seriously, thank you. I needed this more than you know.”
