Oakley:
Of course, man.
He sends it with no hesitation and no questions, and I couldn’t be more grateful for his presence in my life.
It’s time to work through my past in order to have any chance at a future.
Chapter 14
Rina
I sent a text to Tyler, letting him know I wasn’t feeling well and needed to leave.
He responded asking if there was anything I needed to let him know.
Unless he can replace all my memories with Arlo, there isn’t a lot anyone can do. The drive home exhausted me, and by the time I got there, I collapsed on my bed and slept for hours.
Waking up, I feel like I’m currently experiencing the worst hangover of my life. I have the worst migraine, and my mouth is dry as hell. This is why I don’t like to cry. Rolling over, I groan as the events from last night slam back into my brain.
I went on a date. Then I fucked Arlo, who was absolutely not my date. And in public, where anyone could have seen.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don’t have an answer, but I probably should take a long, hard look at my decision-making process lately. Because this cannot continue. My head and heart are a mess around Arlo, and I need to figure out why. I’ve hated him for far longer than I was with him, so I don’t understand why I keep going back to him, even if it is just sex.
It’s not just sex.
Shut up. I don’t need to think about that at the moment.
Sitting up, I figure a shower might be just enough to help my migraine and clear my head so I can really figure things out.
Stripping out of my jeans and blouse that I slept in last night, I cringe at wearing outside clothes in my bed yet again, so it’ll be a laundry day again because that’s just gross.
I walk to the bathroom and turn the water as hot as I can stand it before waiting for it to fully heat up.
Why can’t I stay away from that infuriating man? I turn to look at myself in the mirror. I look like the same person I’ve been for the last decade, but somehow, I look hollow. Ever since Lennox and Willow landed in the hospital, I feel out of control. Vulnerability hit hard in the hospital, and I let the comfort of Arlo hold me together.
And it snowballed from there.
I’ve been shoving my emotions down since my parents died, and apparently, my head and heart decided it was time to let them all start coming out. It tells me that I need to actually deal with shit in my life instead of acting like I’m unaffected by it all.
My normal bright blue eyes stare back at me, duller than I remember, and I know I need to face my demons in order to figure out what I really want in my life. Having my business is wonderful, no doubt there, but is that all I want?
The dream was always to find the love of my life. I never thought much past that, but once Arlo and I got together, I thought life would be perfect.
I gave up on that dream after I signed the divorce papers and never looked back. But seeing Ledger and Willow find their significant others has my mind reeling with longing. A longing I thought I was well and truly over.
Maybe that’s why I’m having a hard time separating myself from Arlo again.
I shake my head and move to the scalding shower. It feels like a cleansing of sorts.
Maybe I just need to suck it up and go talk to Arlo. Truly hear him out, say my peace, and be done with it all. Avoidance clearly isn’t working for me, so hopefully this will.
Decision made. I stay in the shower long after I wash up and until the water turns cold. The blast of freezing water centers me and hardens my resolve.
I’ll go after family dinner tomorrow at Lennox’s cabin. Today, I want to attempt to finally get ahead on some commissions.
I technically don’t have anything scheduled and I was supposed to take off this weekend since I finally finished that daybed, but getting ahead and occupying my mind sounds like a much better idea.
