Her quick inhalation of breath tells me I might have made a mistake, but it’s too late. The words are already out.
Opening my mouth and closing it a couple of times, I try to think of something to say or somewhere else to go, but I come up empty. Anywhere in town will be noticed by the townspeople. We could do her house again, but I want a more equal footing. I’m constantly on the backfoot with Rina—it’s always been that way—but the falls are probably the worst option for that. It brings up too much of the past.
“Fine,” she says before the line clicks, telling me she hung up.
I flip a U-turn and head to the falls instead of my empty house. Now, I just need to think about how to get her talking to me more instead of just using me for sex.
Baby steps.
Chapter 9
Rina
I can do this. I can separate the falls from our past. I can be here and not think about a deeper connection to the man who shattered my heart and dreams all those years ago.
It’s just sex.
As long as I remember that, I’ll be good.
I park my truck and proceed to make the twenty-minute walk to the falls. Once they finally come into view, I see Arlo standing stock still with his hands in his pocket, gazing out into the forest.
Taking a moment to observe him, I realize how dangerous this entire situation is. In a moment of weakness, I kissed him. In a moment of need, I let him so easily back into my life. I’ve agreed to keep this to just sex, but if I really analyze things, is my heart able to stay locked up nice and tight? I’m not sure, which means I need to be cautious. I need to keep his actions fifteen years ago in the back of my head and take to heart that people rarely change.
Clearing my throat, he spins around and gives me a small smile.
“I haven’t been back here since…” He trails off.
“Me either.” I couldn’t. Not when it’s tied to some of my worst and best memories.
“You know, I am sorry for how everything happened,” he says softly.
I scoff at his audacity.
“Just not sorry enough to give me the real reason you ditched me faster than a Tinder date.”
“Rina…”
“No, you don’t get to just throw a bullshit apology at me and think it’ll just magically help everything. We were fucking married, Arlo!” I scream at him.
His head bows, but I couldn’t care less about how he’s feeling right now.
“You don’t get to come here, in our fucking spot, and say you’re sorry for how things happened. Be sorry about breaking my heart into a million pieces. Be sorry for not being there when my parents died. Be sorry that you didn’t have the balls to take our relationship public because you were scared of judgment or Ledger’s reaction. You know what? Sorry won’t ever cut it.” My volume is too loud, and my frustration is at a breaking point. I can feel the pressure behind my eyes signaling I’m on the verge of crying, and I refuse to cry over this man ever again.
I go to turn around, but he grabs my elbow lightly, stopping me in place.
“I thought I was doing the right thing, Rina. You have to understand—”
“I don’t have to understand shit. You had time to make things right. You had time to tell me the truth. In fifteen years, you’ve never once attempted to explain things to me. My fucking parents died, and when I needed you the most, you abandoned me.” Tears spill from my eyes as I whisper the last part.
“I know I did, and I’m sofucking sorry.”
“No. You aren’t sorry. You have a false hope that, after what happened this week, you can turn it into more and go back to how things were. You’re a delusional fucking coward, Arlo. And I wouldn’t let you back into my life for anything other than meaningless sex. And because of this little stunt, that’s now over too.” I rip my arm from his grip and stomp back the way I came.
“You’re just as much a coward as I am, Marina. You know we’re good together; you’re just too scared to admit it. You’d rather drown in your anger than hear me out,” he yells at me as I walk away.
“Fuck you, Arlo!” I yell back.
“Fuck you too, Rina!”
