My hand reaches up, softly brushing an inch from the injury before I even realize I’m doing it. His hand lands on top of mine, leading my movements and bringing my hand up his ribcage to his heart.
“When you came into that cabin, I felt so much simultaneously. Fear… Fuck, I was so scared to see you there. Pride. You’re so fucking fearless, just barging in there with a baseball bat.” He shakes his head, with a small smile on his lips. “Then the guilt hit, and it never left. I couldn’t pull myself out of it, and I said a lot of stupid shit.”
“I get it.” My fingers shift against him, feeling his strong heartbeat. “The paramedics, while we were being taken to the hospital, talked to me about the effects of shock. It was weird. I heard them and understood it in principle but didn’t understand what it would look like.”
“I should have made them take you in before me.” He shakes his head, angry at himself.
“Hey,” I say sharply, forcing him to look at me. “We’re done with the blaming. The what-ifs and should-haves—we’re not doing them, okay?”
“Okay,” he murmurs before leaning down and pressing a kiss to my lips.
I melt into him.
But it’s over too fast.
“I had to, sorry,” he says against my lips, and it makes me smile.
“Yeah. I’m really upset about it.” I grin.
“Where were we?” he asks.
“Before you decided to kiss me as the ultimate distraction? You feeling guilty and making dumb decisions.”
“Right. It just consumed everything. I felt … so unworthy of everything I’ve built here. Unworthy of Lennox’s friendship, unworthy of Grind Time, and certainly of you. It felt like…” He looks up in thought before looking back at me. “It felt like running was the only option,” he says softly.
I swallow back the tears as I nod. I want so badly to be done crying, but I know that’s a fool’s hope.
“Can I ask you something?” My hand is still absentmindedly moving over his chest.
“Always.”
“Did you want to leave?” The tears I prayed wouldn’t fall, disobey.
“No. Fuck no. I never want to leave you. I just wanted you to have the best life, and I didn’t think that was with me. Unknowingly, I brought all this shit to you, and it’s hard to separate that from everything else.”
My heart breaks. I know this feeling won’t just immediately be gone for him. I know we both will need to be in therapy to really work through the worst of this, but hearing him say he didn’t want to leave is enough for me. I don’t care how long things take. I don’t care how fucking hard it is; it’ll be worth it.
His hand moves to lift my chin before cupping it.
“I’m in love with you, and I don’t think there’s a single thing that would make me everwantto be without you.”
My breath hitches as a smile spreads across my face. I lean forward, pressing a kiss to his chest, right where his heart is, before pulling back.
“I love you too,” I whisper before he leans and crashes into me with a kiss that steals my whole soul.
He pulls back, putting his forehead to mine. “Things are going to be a lot harder before they get better.”
“I know.”
“But I’ll do my absolute best to always be here for you. I know I’ll mess up sometimes, though.”
“So will I,” I tell him.
“I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I need to say it one more time. I’m sorry for everything, for leading Tennison here, for the destruction he caused. For doubting you could love me through my worst.”
“And I’m sorry for not actually talking to you about all of this before we both went past our breaking point. For scaring you at the cabin. And not staying put at your apartment,” I add.
“I honestly don’t think you should apologize for that last one. That did way more good than bad,” he mutters.
