She feels so fucking right in my arms.
“Woodcroft called me before I came to your house that night. He was telling me something new about Tennison.” I debate telling her or not. It’s not that I don’t trust her to keep it to herself, but I just don’t want to worry her. “When I quit, he started changing his routine.” I run my fingers along her arm to try and calm myself. I still don’t know how to react to the news Woodcroft told me, but I think talking some of it out with Willow could help. “He’s on the move. South, apparently. He’s only ever attacked in the same area, leaving his victims to cope while he hid out until his next one. He’s never changed things up,” I tell her softly.
“Holy shit, are you serious?” She tries to turn around, but I hold her in place. It’s easier to tell her all of this when I have a little more perceived control.
“Yeah. After I got off the phone with him, I wore my ass out with a workout. For hours, but my head was still a mess from speculating about every little detail I could. The only time my head is clear is when I’m with you. So, I had the bright idea to go to you, figuring the workout calmed me down enough to not take how I was feeling out on you.”
“But your head never cleared. I could feel it.”
“If anything, it made it worse. And I should have never put you in that position or treated you that way. I’m such an asshole.” I press my forehead to her back and breathe in her comforting scent. It’s amazing how she instantly calms me, but I also know I can’t take advantage of that. I can’t use her as a tool to not face my shit, to not work through all the problems I ignore.
“You were an asshole that one night, but you aren’t an asshole in general.”
I chuckle at her distinction. “Maybe.”
“Is that why you called your therapist?” she asks.
“Yes and no. It wasn’t the whole reason. I think I talked to more people this week while you were—rightfully—avoiding me than I have since I moved here. Ledger is worried about you. Sheriff seems to be trying to recruit me.”
“Well, that’s interesting,” she muses.
“Which part?”
“Arlo. Ledger is always worried about someone, so that’s not shocking. But Alro wants you to work with him?”
“He’s hinted at it, more than anything.”
“Huh, is that something you’re considering?”
I sigh. “At the moment? No. It feels like Tennison has a block on me, so I can’t imagine I would be much help to him.”
She hums in response, telling me without words that she doesn’t necessarily agree with me.
I press my cheek to her back, closing my eyes and mentally preparing myself to be completely open with her. This isn’t something I’ve ever done with a woman, but Willow is more than worth it. I just have to hope she’s open to hearing it all.
“I’m scared, Will.”
She starts to turn and I try to stop her, but she moves my hands. Facing me completely, she straddles me and grabs my jaw in both hands.
“You know, it’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to not have all the answers.” she says.
I lean forward, pressing my forehead to her collarbone.
“I should be over so much of this, though. Tennison should be my past, but he’s forcing himself back into my life. And you know what scares me the most about that?” I ask her, pulling awayand looking into her eyes. “You being anywhere near the line of fire. You’re a vulnerability for me, regardless of whether I wanted it or not. I can’t put you anywhere near danger. And Will, everything around me screams danger right now.”
“I’m a big girl, James. I can handle myself. Not taking into account tonight, I’m usually pretty smart about my actions. I don’t go out at night. I bring things in my bag that can be used as weapons. I’ll keep my eyes open.”
“I appreciate your concern over safety, but my point is that if I get close to you…” I try to think of a way to articulate my thoughts, and I just decide to go for it. “Fuck it. I am getting close to you, and it’s scary as all hell. You being close to me makes you a potential target for Tennison, and I can’t have that. I have survived a lot in my life, but that is something I wouldn’t recover from.”
“But what if you’re doing all this worrying for nothing? What if we could just enjoy our time together because you never know what the future holds? I don’t know that always focusing on the what-ifs in life is the healthiest approach to things,” she says softly.
“You could be right, but what if all that worrying saves you? Protects you?”
“I hear you, I do, but what about things you want? You constantly worry about everyone around you. Your old job was worrying about saving people you didn’t even know. Who worries about you?”
“I don’t have an answer to that.” Mostly because I don’t really want to do a deep dive into why I am the way I am. “You know, Sheriff made a point to tell me that it’s okay to have friends here, and I never realized how disconnected I truly was until he said that. It’s hard to let old habitsdie, honestly, and I’ve never really been close to people in general. You are the exception to that. Hell, Willow, you’re the exception to everything.”
She presses a soft kiss to my lips before pulling back. “How about I be the one to worry about you?”
