“I love you too,” I say.
He climbs into the shower, letting the water drip over his head and down his body, thoroughly distracting me.
“How was Grind Time today?” I ask.
“Good for the most part. Mabel is on the war path about something with Arlo, but you know I’m not trying to get in the middle of that.”
“We really need to work on your gossip. I need more information. There could be good drama there. Hell, what if it involves Rina?” I have a theory about Arlo and Rina, but it’s just as wild as the stories I write, I think.
“You’re delusional. Rina hates him.”
“Or does she?” I ask before chuckling.
“Anyway, Mabel stayed a good chunk of the day, so I just tried to stay busy and do a shit-ton of prep for tomorrow.”
“Well, that’s good. Now, you can sleep in.” I look at him with a huge smile.
“Sleeping… Sure, Trouble.”
I chuckle as he soaps up, mesmerized by both his body and his humor.
“Do you have therapy today?” he asks, oblivious to my ogling.
“Tomorrow. I had another flashback this morning,” I tell him quietly.
His head snaps up. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“Because my therapist gave me some things to try when they happen, and I wanted to see if it would help.”
He nods, and I can see the wheels turning in his head. “Did it help?”
“Surprisingly enough, it did. I mean, I don’t expect it to magically absolve me of flashbacks and nightmares, but it’s a start, so I’ll take it. What about you? You were up too early this morning.”
He sighs. “I woke up, and my brain wouldn’t shut off. It was running through old cases, not just Tennison, and analyzing all the things I could have done differently.”
We talk about everything; nothing has been off limits, and I know he’s hesitant to start taking something to help with his anxiety. But things like this have been happening too frequently lately.
He shuts off the water and climbs out, scrubbing the towel over his body before tossing it in the hamper.
“I think I want to start the anxiety meds.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I don’t want to be dependent on them, but I also need sleep and not have my head running through jobs I no longer work or lookingover my shoulder for the next bad thing to happen. It’s taking my focus away from the good things, the things I should be enjoying.”
I walk up to him, standing on my tiptoes as I palm his cheeks. “I am so fucking proud of you. This is just the start of the process, the hardest part.”
“I know, and logically I know it’s the best decision. I just want to be able to be the best partner for you, and I don’t think I’m doing that at the moment,” he whispers against my lips.
“James Oakley, you are the best partner in the world,” I tell him with indignation.
“Thank you.” He wraps his arm around my waist and picks me up so my legs wrap around his torso.
I lean into his neck, breathing in the scent that’s purely James. He calms me in the wild tides. He soothes away turbulent thoughts. Our life is one I wasn’t expecting, but now I can’t imagine another way.
“I have something I want to talk to you about,” I murmur in his ear.
“Is it about tying me up again? Because I could be on board with that.”
