My only job was to catch the worst of the worst, and I was damn good at it … until Alfred Tennison. He’s made me question everything about myself. Everything I thought I was made for suddenly felt like a mountain too tall to climb. I was losing oxygen, unable to breathe, and I knew I needed a change to survive.
Can I even call life in Bluebell Falls surviving?
My pace picks up when I hit my favorite trail, the existential questions pounding in my head causing my anxiety to skyrocket.
I never used to be this way. I was clutch under pressure, never second-guessing my decisions, and always confident.
Now? In the last year, I haven’t gone longer than two weeks without a panic attack of varying degrees. It’s exhausting, and it makes me feel weak. I fucking hate it.
The challenging hill I’m climbing doesn’t even phase me. A perk of constantly being caught up in my head means I’m in the best physical shape of my life.
I check my watch and realize I’ve been hiking for just about two hours, and I’m on the final stretch that will send me back to town.
I wish this had cleared my head, but if anything, today’s given me too much time to think about everything in my life. I’m so lost in the never-ending doomsday that is my mind, I don’t realize there’s another person on the trail until they’re right next to me.
Another reason I quit. I’ve lost my edge.
“Hey, Oakley, how are you doing today?” Lennox’s voice pierces through my self-loathing, startling me. Although, it makes sense since he is a park ranger.
“Hey, man. It’s going.”
He matches my pace, sending my hackles up. I’m not really in the headspace for small talk, but it looks like I don’t have a choice at the moment.
“I’ve noticed you on this trail a lot, but if you ever want some new paths, let me know. There are a couple that are a real workout.” He smirks, sending a subtle challenge my way.
Fucker.
“A real workout,” I deadpan.
“Yeah, I mean, how do you think I look so good all the time?” He chuckles, gesturing to his flexing bicep. We’ve crossed paths a few times but never really talked before this.
I have no doubt he’s in great shape, but I also see how often he comes into Grind Time, eating his weight in pastries and paninis.
“Alright. I’ll bite. Next week? Name the day, and I’ll be there.”
“Hell yeah! I’ll stop by and let you know when my schedule calms down a little.”
“Sounds good, man. I’m going to head home. Gotta be up early to make all the pastries you demolish on a regular basis.”
“They’re good as hell. I’m not apologizing for keeping you in business.”
Laughter burst out of me unexpectedly. Who knew Lennox was funny as hell, but maybe immersing myself in the small-town life will help with all the insecurities that have slowly been demoralizing me. That was the goal in moving here. Might as well follow through on it.
“So, I’ll see you in the morning then?” I ask.
“Bright and early.” He claps a hand on my back before heading in the opposite direction.
Maybe I just need to put the Task Force fully behind me and embrace this life I was so keen on creating a year ago.
Chapter 5
Willow
It’s been almost two weeks.
And I’m stuck. Again.
I had some good momentum—finished half of my outline—and now I’m sitting here in my usual seat at Grind Time, staring into the abyss.
