Apparently, when the woman I love is sick, I lose all sense of rational within my brain. Freaking out when she called in sick felt like child’s play to how I feel not being able to do a lot to make her feel better.
I did what I could—cooking and cleaning, making sure she was hydrated—but it still doesn’t feel like enough. The fact that she is currently in the shower and requesting actual food has me calming down a little.
I pull out the enchiladas when she comes out of her room. Dressed in some lounge shorts and an oversized T-shirt, I see my entire future before my eyes.
Sunday mornings, cooking brunch for her while she relaxes. Cooking dinner together, laughing and dancing to whatever music she puts on. Random date nights, just enjoying the life we’ve created. Creating a business we’re both proud of.
I really need to find a bigger role for her within the company.
“Hey,” she says shyly.
“Hey, beautiful. You ready for some food?” I ask instead of spilling my inner thoughts to her.
“God yes. I’m starving.” She plops down into a chair in the small dining room.
I serve up plates overflowing with cheesy goodness and set one down in front of her.
“You know, you might give me a run for my money in the cooking department, and I don’t know how I feel about that.”
“If we combine our powers in the kitchen, we won’t have to fight about it.” I smirk as I place my plate on the table and sit down to eat.
She stares at me for a moment, and I see the impact of my words in her eyes. Something has changed with her. She looks less hesitant, less closed off, and all I see is a complete openness to this relationship of ours.
The rest of dinner is quiet. I think both of us felt the shift and didn’t want to voice it. Too worried it would break the spell.
We’re now lying in her bed, cuddled together under her blankets.
“Relationships are hard for me,” she whispers.
“I don’t think anyone is good at them. I think we just learn to adapt if the person is really worth it.”
“Maybe. I wouldn’t really know. I was too focused on school in college, too focused on climbing the corporate ladder after that, and I never really dated. Hell, outside of Larkin, I never even really had friends. I couldn’t trust the people I worked with because I had seen them backstabbing people far too often.”
“It must have taken a toll on you to always have to be on and not really have people you could let loose with,” I say.
“I never thought that until I moved back here. I felt like I could do everything on my own, and if I needed a sounding board, I had Larkin.” She sounds sad, like she’s realizing it’s not the way she wants to live her life anymore.
“Shifting the way you want to live your life isn’t a bad thing, Ains. It’s good. It means you’re taking a step back and prioritizing yourself for once.”
“Huh, I’ve never thought of it that way,” she says as she brushes her fingertips along my jaw. “You’ve been through a lot in your life too. How have you stayed so … humble? No… Self-aware, maybe?”
I bark out a laugh at her question.
“Oh, I am far from self-aware. I think it’s easier to see things when you’re looking in from the outside. When it’s not you going through all the shit. When I was in college, I was dating a woman named Jenna. I was convinced she was the one. Maybe that’s not true. I thought it was the natural progression of things if that makes sense. I proposed, and three days later, I caught her cheating on me in our bed. It was a shock to the system, but the timing of it all made it so I couldn’t focus on it. My parents died the day before I caught her, and I was a fucking mess. I barely remember anything about the whole situation other than breaking it off with her.”
“Holy shit, Ledg,” Ainsley whispers.
I huff out a sad laugh. “Yeah, it was a messed-up time, and I didn’t really handle things well. I didn’t have time to cope, to mourn a relationship while I was mourning my parents and trying to figure out how to be a guardian at the same time. I haven’t spoken to Jenna since I kicked her out of our apartment. That’s strange, right? To just cut someone out of your life and act like they never happened?” I muse out loud.
“I don’t think it’s strange, considering the circumstances. Your focus turned to your family, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Honestly, it’s admirable that you didn’t even second-guess your decision.”
Looking up at the ceiling, I really think about it. I’m completely over Jenna, have been for a long time, but have I ever really gotten closure with the whole situation? I don’t think brushing shit under the rug counts in this case.
“You might be right, but I still feel like I could have handled things differently.”
She leans forward and presses her forehead to mine.
“You, Ledger Dean Hutton, are a phenomenal man. Many people wouldn’t have taken on what you did, let alone at your age. Many peoplewould have crumbled for less. Hell, I’ve crumbled for less.” She lets out self-deprecating laughter.
