The last three weeks have been … strange.
After Ledger told me about the conference and presentation, he went into planning mode and wouldn’t let me touch anything. Being his assistant, it was weird to not be planning his trip and scheduling everything, but he was adamant.
Outside of work, I’ve been trying to be more social, although it’s mostly Rina dragging me out to do things.
Getting to know my hometown as an adult is wild. All the things I hated about this place are things that I look forward to now. I love getting coffee and Oakley already knowing my order. I love knowing whose daughter is playing soccer this weekend and whose teenager is going on their first date, so everyone wordlessly bands together to keep an eye on them. I love to listen to Alice and Mabel contemplate wild scenarios that are almost always wrong.
I’ve always been close to my family, but this is something more. This is a group of people who will support their own in anything. Sure, the gossip is out of control, but at the heart of it, it’s because everyone cares about each other. That care that felt so suffocating as a teenager is somehow the best kind of comfort as an adult. It’s hard to wrap my head around it sometimes. I think about how all I wanted to do in high school was to leave.
I’ve wracked my brain, trying to remember Ledger for weeks, and have found nothing. The only thing I remember is the intense need to get away. To be this independent person, away from anything connected to Bluebell Falls. It honestly makes me feel ashamed.
So, things with Ledger may be totally up in the air. The clarity I’ve gained in the last couple of weeks has been refreshing. I’ve talked to Larkin about staying here, and it felt like a gigantic step. I was never going to stay here long-term, but somehow, this feels right. I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. And I want to keep that feeling so badly. There’s still a chance I’ll change my mind and not want to stay, but for now, this is enough.
I just need to make it through this conference with my boss—who I’m also still semi-crushing on—in one piece. I may still be mad at him for lying about things, but thinking about when I thought he was Dean and how much Ilikedhim makes me realize how quickly I could fall back into just brushing things aside. And call me stubborn, but I’m just not ready to let him off the hook yet. I want to prove to myself that I’m strong enough on my own. All that lost confidence from the ordeal in Austin is at the forefront of my mind, and the need to make sure I can handle things on my own is too strong.
Today, we’re flying out to Vegas, and I’m really excited. I’ve never been to Vegas, so I’m looking forward to seeing the strip and eating some damn good food.
The only thing I’m apprehensive about is sitting next to Ledger for the next hour while we drive to the airport, then another two hours in the air. But what could happen in three hours?
The answer: Apparently, a lot.
The drive wasn’t so bad. We made small talk, and Ledger gave me the rundown of what to expect at the National Landscaping Conference. I figured it would be drastically different from the financial ones I had been to, and I was right. It sounded like a close-knit group somehow. There were the heavy hitters in the industry, but everyone kind of knew each other and kept tabs on how business was doing. It’s bizarre that people who could be your competition were genuinely happy for your success. Just another way my life in Austin was not the sole definition of how life could be.
It made me think about the possibility of turning this job intomore. It felt like I was part of something that made a difference, no matter how small, and it made me feel damn good.
As Ledger told me about some people I would meet, I sat quietly in the truck, contemplating my future. It was a strange dynamic, but Ledger seemed content to do all the talking and, for that, I was thankful.
When we finally arrive at the airport, things get confusing. Because it is such a quick conference, we both only packed carry-ons, so we bypass the check-in counter and go straight to the TSA line.
Everything is pretty smooth until Ledger walks us to the Sky Lounge.
“Umm, don’t we have to go to our gate?” I ask.
“We’ve got some time, so I figured we could relax in here until then.” He says it so nonchalantly, not like we’re about to go into a section of the airport I’ve mentally reserved for the rich and famous.
How does one even gain access to this? Do you have to pay extra? Does it only come with a certain seating section on the plane? Is there a cover charge? Dress code? I’m too unprepared for this.
My anxiety is in full force with the number of questions running through my head. Sure, I could just ask Ledger, but we’re still not on a really friendly basis. I’m still holding that grudge, and I don’t want to let him in any more than I have to.
Because you know that if you let him in, it would be game over.
The devil on my shoulder needs to shut the hell up sometimes.
I awkwardly walk in behind him as he leads us to a cozy seating arrangement, plopping down on the cushioned chair and stretching his arms over his head. The little sliver of his stomach that shows as his shirt lifts has me wiping my mouth with my hand to make sure there’s no drool.
“Do you have a favorite drink?” His voice pulls me out of my ogling.
I raise my gaze to his and see the hint of a smirk there. “Umm, just a glass of red wine.” I feel so out of place, I don’t even know what to ask for.
“Coming right up. Make yourself comfortable.”
He seems so at ease right now, and it’s throwing me off. He’s been so hesitant and awkward for as long as I’ve known him, and it feels like the roles have reversed. I woke up this morning determined to keep this all business, but this entire situation is throwing me off my game.
I gingerly sit down and fidget with my bag, pulling out my laptop and then thinking better of it, and I sit back abruptly and huff out, just as Ledger sets down my glass of wine.
I watch the entire scene play out in slow motion like it’s not actually happening to me. I throw my hands up in annoyance with myself just as Ledger moves the wineglass in front of me to take. My hand bumps it from the bottom, causing wine to splash all over him, leaving nothing behind.
“Oh my God! Oh my God, I am so sorry. Let me grab some towels or toilet paper to clean this up. Holy shit, I can’t believe I did that.” I’m whispering now, and I can feel myself on the verge of tears.
