God damnit, I can’t just let him off the hook, though.
When I signed up for this small-town life, I didn’t expect this amount of drama. I was leaning more towards the slow life with a gossiping dad, but not drama in my love life.Can I even call it my love life?
Shaking my head at my confusing thoughts, I grab my purse from the entryway table. I’m going over to Ledger’s for ten minutes, then booking it out of there. I’ll hear whatever he has to say but not make any rash decisions. I’ve done that enough recently, so maybe this is the time to really think about things. Think about what he has to say and see how it makes me feel. See if I can forgive him and not just say that I do.
I came back home to start fresh, and maybe that starts with the way I think about and approach things. Running away from everything and working myself to death to avoid my problems hasn’t worked too well. But it’s exactly what I default to when I’m overwhelmed.
True to his word, his house is two minutes from mine. I pull into his driveway and see him sitting in a rocking chair on his porch.I want rocking chairs on my porch.Nope, focus on the task at hand. Even if my brain wants to immediately jump to distraction.
I take a few seconds to clear my thoughts and think about what my goal is here before I get out of my car.
He stands to meet me at the steps.
“Hi.” His voice is shy as he fidgets with his hands.
“Hi.”
“Umm, do you want to sit out here or go inside?” Extra-awkward Ledger is strangely endearing.
“Out here is fine.” I step up onto the porch as he motions for me to sit in the other chair.
We rock in silence. I’m not sure what he’s waiting for, but he asked me to talk, so I’m waiting him out. I can tell he’s extremely nervous, though, so I’ll give him some time.
I wait another minute before I realize the silence is about to make me irrationally angry.
“I like these chairs,” I offer.
He startles and looks over at me. “Thanks, Rina made them.”
“No shit?” I look around at the construction and am supremely impressed.
He chuckles. “Yeah, she’s really fucking good at her job.” The blatant pride in his voice is the same as I feel for Larkin whenever she kicks ass at anything.
“Listen—”
“I don’t need more explanations, Ledger. If you want to act like the whole thing didn’t happen, that’s fine. I will continue at work like nothing happened.” I cut him off because I’d rather have an upper hand.
“Is that what you want?” he asks, but his voice is a little shaky, drawing my attention towards him.
He looks crushed. His eyes are downcast, and he’s gripping the arms of his chair until his knuckles have turned white.
I sigh. “I honestly don’t know what I want. I moved here to get away from my problems and figure out where I want my life to go, and suddenly, everything’s gotten very complicated. And I don’t like the lying. It’s the one thing I can’t stand, and I’m not sure I can forgive it.”
I didn’t expect to lay it all out there, but it’s probably better this way. He should know where I stand just as much as I should know where he does. Especially if we’re going to continue to work together.
“I respect that. My intention wasn’t to lie. I hope you can see that. You just … get me flustered to the point where I can’t articulate anything, much less talk to you like a normal person. I just kept digging the holedeeper and deeper, not knowing how to get out. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable with me at all, at work or around town. So, however I can fix that, I will. I am truly sorry.” He maintains eye contact, and I believe him.
“I believe you mean that, but I still need time to figure things out. I’m fine still working as your assistant if you are, but as far as friendship or anything else, I just need time.” It’s the best I’ve got. It’s not forgiveness, it’s not a complete write off, but it’s a promise to not shut down completely.
“I can work with that.” The determination in his voice and in his eyes makes me weary. I might have just issued a challenge I’m not quite prepared for.
But moving here was all about starting over. Maybe it’s time to just go with the flow and see where things take me.
“I’ve got to get to dinner, but thanks for the chat.” Standing up, I see his brow furrow and his jaw clench. I hide my smirk at the hint of jealousy showing unbidden on his face.
“Talk to you to tomorrow,Ledger.” I make sure to emphasize his name to remind him that he’s why we’re even in this mess to begin with.
“Talk to you later, Ains,” he says with determination.
