“Think about where you see yourself in five to ten years. Do you want to be a lonely, old man whose only focus is his business and his slightly deranged siblings? Or do you want to have companionship, love, a family?”
Her questions make my heart clench painfully in my chest. Reaching up, I rub it, contemplating her words. I thought I wanted all of that. Then our parents died, and Jenna cheated on me. Everything in my world crashed down around me, and I haven’t thought about my future in any other way except my business since. Maybe Rina is right. Maybe I need to figure out what I really want before I even attempt to beg for forgiveness. Because why put Ainsley through all of that if I’m just going to let her down in the long run, anyway?
“What about you? Where do you see yourself in five to ten years?” I ask, definitely deflecting but also curious. Rina’s always been the extrovert, but she’s never really had a close boyfriend that I’ve known about, at least. She’s never put herself out there outside of friendships.
She heaves out a sigh. “Fuck if I know. Can’t I just make a shit-ton of furniture, have happy customers, and call it a day?”
“I mean, you could, but if I’m going to do a deep dive into what I want in my future, it might be good for you to do it as well. You’re not going to force me to be introspective without me dragging you along for the ride.” I smirk at her.
“This seems like a very unfair situation. All I did was try to set you up, and now it’s somehow about what I want in my life? Don’t think that I don’t know you’re doing a hell of a lot of deflecting right now, old man. I’ll allow it because I still feel like total shit for today. But that doesn’t mean tomorrow I won’t be on your ass about making it up to Ainsley.” She gives me a small smile.
“Well, on that lovely note, I’m going to head to bed and hope to have a clearer head tomorrow to try to figure all of this out.” Standing up, I stretch my arms over my head to try to get the kinks out of my back. Whether it’s from stress or sitting too long, it makes all this talk about being an old man hit a little too close to home.
“Night, big brother. I’m sorry I fucked things up tonight.” She ambles her way to her truck before I can get another word in.
I watch her drive away as the exhaustion of the day hits me hard. Grabbing the extra beer she left, I head inside, tossing it in the fridge before going to my room. Stripping out of my clothes, I turn on the shower as hot as I can stand it and don’t wait for it to warm up before I get in.
The cold water pounding on my back feels like a penance for doing things so wrong with Ainsley. As the water warms up, my mind starts wandering to what Rina asked me.
Where do I see myself in ten years? Do I really just want to continue to focus on the business?
The answer is no. I know that with every ounce of my being. The second I saw Ainsley move back into town—hell, the second I saw her name pop up on her application—I knew the way I had been living my life wasn’t the end-all for me anymore. So now, I just need to figure out how to get Ainsley to talk to me again. And then, from there, get her to see who I really am. Not the coward who lied about who he really was just because he was scared.
I’m still scared.
The thought flashes in my head, and I can’t shake it. I am scared. I’m scared I’ve messed things up permanently between me and Ainsley. I’m scared I’ve lost the only chance I’ll get at true happiness. Surprisingly, I’m not scared of putting myself out there again. Not scared that Ainsley will hurt me or cheat on me. I don’t know if that makes me a fool or just optimistic.
I wash myself up and dry off before heading to bed. Sleep will be hard to find tonight, but maybe tomorrow I can start fresh and figure out how to fix all the damage I’ve done.
I’m a chickenshit.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Waking up, I was determined to—at the minimum—call Ainsley and talk about what happened. Instead? I emailed her the daily to-do list and acted like it was a normal day.
I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that I haven’t heard anything from her besides a confirmation of tasks, but I know I need to address this sooner rather than later. My time is already up, so I need to buckle down and figure out how to actually talk to her.IfI can get her to talk to me again.
The problem is two of my clients have major issues with their projects, so I’ve been dealing with them all day. I haven’t had time to stop and think about anything, let alone Ainsley.
It’s just before five, and I’m finally walking through my front door. I don’t even have the energy to cook, so I make a quick cup of noodles, letting it steam while I take a two-minute shower to clean off the layer of dirt on me.
Getting set up on the couch with my lame-ass dinner and my laptop, I’m finally able to check in with Ainsley and see how the day went. Hopefully, I can grow some balls at the same time.
Opening up my email, I see the usual stuff that Ainsley leaves for me, but I also see an email from her. My heart trips over itself, and I almost spill my cup of noodles all over me and my laptop, thinking this is her resignation letter. I take a few deep breaths before opening it up and tilt my head in confusion with what I see.
The presentation, the one I just told her about, is currently sitting in my inbox. I pull it up and scroll through all the slides, and I realize she’s finished it. Aside from specific information I’ve yet to get over to her, she’s got everything done.
What kind of mindfuck is this?
Is this her getting everything done so she can quit? Is this just overachieving because she wants to stay? She hasn’t said anything about last night. Is she just over it?No, you idiot.Even if she was over it, I have a lot of explaining and apologizing to do.
This email is … confusing, and maybe I just don’t have the brainpower to understand it all. I pull up the messaging system.
Ledger Hutton:
Did you finish the entire presentation?
Ainsley Mathews:
Umm, yeah? I mean, I still need to add some details you need to send me, but otherwise, it’s ready to go.
