I know…
And I do know. But the fear of rejection has me paralyzed.
Willow:
What’s going on, big bro?
God love Willow. She’s the gentle soul in our family and always the one to go to for advice.
I take a deep breath and go for broke. The other two will give me a ton of shit, but if Willow has any advice, I’ll take it.
Me:
What if she rejects me? What if she magically remembers who I am and decides I’m not worth the time?
I cringe at my message. I sound like I’m still in high school. Maybe Lennoxshouldcall me Dean the Teen.
Willow:
Here are my thoughts: If she’s going to reject you, she’ll do it regardless of your name. And if she somehow remembers you—which I doubt she will since she’s been working with you for a couple of weeks now and hasn’t connected anything—and decides you aren’t worth the time because of who you were in high school, then she isn’t the woman for you. If you genuinely like her for who she is now, then you need to give her and yourself the chance to see if she likes you for who you are now too. There isn’t a point dwelling on who you were almost two decades ago. You both aren’t the same people.
Willow, ladies and gentlemen.
I stare at her words, and I know she’s right. It’s just hard to get out of that mindset. Not to mention, I haven’t dated or pursued anyone since my ex, so I’m rusty as hell at all of this.
Rina:
Willow with the mic drop. I second everything she said.
Lennox:
I disagree. You’re definitely the same as you were in high school.
Rina:
Shut up, Lenny. The only one who is the same as they were in high school is you.
Lennox:
Oh, good one, sis. *eyeroll emoji*
I laugh at their banter. The four of us couldn’t be more different, but we’ve always had a strong bond. When I opened up the nursery, they all chipped in taking shifts so I could save money and hold off on hiring anyone for a while. They still do work periodically, refusing to get paid for the time, but they all have careers for themselves now. I think they still do it because they actually like the nursery, contrary to what they’ve told me for years. I’ve slowly turned everyone into plant lovers.
Me:
Well, this was eye-opening and annoying, all at the same time. Willow, thanks for the advice.
I put my phone down on the table and sit back on my couch, staring at a picture of the four of us at Lennox’s high school graduation. Willow gave me some good things to think about. The biggest thing I’m stuck on is that Ainsley and I really don’t know each other. Sure, I had a crush on her in high school, but we’re both completely different people now. My crush on her may have stuck around, but I don’t truly know the Ainsley she is now.
Going for a run is the best way to work out my thoughts, so I get changed and head out on my usual route. It’s a good loop around town, roughly five miles, and makes for a challenging-enough pace. If I’m feeling particularly stressed, I do it twice. Bluebell Falls is unique because although it is a small town and you can easily walk to places if you need to, the actual houses are spread out. It gives an air of privacy when you’re at home, instead of feeling like your nosey neighbors are on top of you. Now, if you go into the town center, it’s a different story. Everything you do in the town center is everyone’s business. It’s the main reason I kept our parent’s house. The land has plenty of room for adding the nursery,and it helped keep our little family away from the town’s eye while we figured out our new normal. Bluebell Falls Nursery is on the far end of my land, and my house is on the opposite. There is plenty of distance so that I can’t see the nursery from my house, but I’m able to get there in a matter of minutes if I’m needed.
The run clears my head a little, and the main point that sticks with me is that adult Ainsley and I don’t know each other. We’ve had a couple of conversations but nothing all that deep. So, my plan of attack is to learn more about her. If that’s at work through our messages, awesome. If that’s when I run into her in town, also great. The whole Dean/Ledger thing is still heavy on my mind. Being Dean and having no connection to Ledger feels safer. Like I get a clean slate when it comes to Ainsley. It might be a mistake, but I like the anonymity for the time being. And when—if—the time comes to come clean, then I will deal with it when it comes.
I’m at the end of the loop and just about to hit Ainsley’s house when I see her in her side yard. I slow down and watch her haul bags of soil on her shoulder.
“Need some help?” I call out.
She startles, dropping the bag she was carrying, and I instantly feel like a dick.
