When Gavin first came to Larkin because of a child protective services case, he was shy, compliant, and on his best behavior. It didn’t take long for him to come out of his shell, though, and I’d like to think I had a little influence on it. Lord knows Larkin blames me for some of his language habits, which is why it’s become a running joke with us. He’s less of a stickler on the Curse Word Jar now, but it still pops up now and then.
“I think I should pick the game next time we play,” I say into my headphones as I try to shoot make-believe bad guys. Apparently, my video game aim is shit, but if it means I get a little time with Gavin, I’ll do whatever he wants.
“Yeah, not happening. You’ll pick some dress-up game or something equally as horrible.”
I snort out a laugh at his assumption.
“When have I ever been the girly one? If I remember right, you used to dress up like that character from the book series you loved so much. I have some good blackmail pictures whenever you get a girlfriend, so she knows exactly what she’sgetting into.”
He chuckles, and his voice cracks a little when he talks, “Do your worst, Auntie Ains.”
My heart clenches tight in my chest when he uses the nickname he used to call me when he was a little younger.God, I miss this boy.
“So, how is Bluebell Falls?” he asks.
“It’s … okay.” I sigh.
“Just okay?”
“Just okay, little man. My job is pretty good though, so that’s a win.” It’s taken me a while to get used to the fact that Gavin is growing up, but he’s been through a lot, so it’s not shocking that he’s more mature than your average thirteen-year-old.
“Mom says you’re trying to plant a garden. She said some less than savory things about your skills.”
In the background, I hear my sister say, “I did not say that, Gavin! Geez, who’s side are you on, anyway?”
I burst out laughing. “Tell her you’re on mine, always.”
“Hel— Heck no. I’m not telling her that. Do you want me to be grounded?” His serious tone makes me laugh again.
“Fair point. So, how’s school?”
“It’s … okay.”
I smile at his repeat of my answer. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know. High school is so drama-filled. Like, who is dating the sports star and who is going to be class president. I just want to get through high school and move onto real life. I hate all the cliques.”
“Same, Gav, same.”
“I just don’t understand how kids think high school is the best it gets, ya know? Like, there is so much out there to explore and see, and they all think high school is, like, the peak of their lives.”
“Yup, I do know. I couldn’t wait to be done with high school. I couldn’t wait to leave this small town.”
“But you went back,” he observes.
“But I went back. Sometimes, the best laid plans don’t always pan out, and you have to roll with the punches.”
“Are you happy, Auntie Ains?”
My heart thumps in my chest and I rub it, trying to ease the intense insecurity that comes with his question.
“I’m trying to be,” I whisper.
“I think trying to be happy is just a way to say you haven’t figured out what you want in life. Dad always says it’s okay to not have a plan but to always make an effort to be the kind of person you want to be. Even if you aren’t where you want to be in life, being nice costs nothing.”
“You have a wise dad, Gav.” His words burrow themselves into my brain. I’ve been so caught up in what has blown up in my life, that I stopped being who I wanted to be.
Who do I want to be?
