He pondered for a moment. “I’ll probably find another job at a bar and maybe take some classes at a community college.”
“What do you want to go to school for?”
“Business,” he answered. “I’ve watched Bram and Noble with their businesses and I can see myself doing that. I figured with an education, I could do a better job.”
The streetlamps on the bridge flicked on. Reid took all my trash and placed it with his in the bag.
“Do you come here often?” I asked him.
He shook his head as he leaned on the railing with his forearms resting on top.
I frowned. “Besides the sunset-watching, what made you choose this place?”
“Because you chose this place,” he said.
Everything in me went still. Even my heart skipped a beat.
He stared down at the water below. “Roe said you had been drawing the Kendry Bridge over and over in the sketchbook I got you.”
I relaxed, trying to look unfazed as I also leaned on the bridge’s railing and gave him a teasing smile. “I thought Roe got me the sketchbook.”
“You know I got it for you,” he grumbled. “Wyatt helped me. He knew what brands you like to use and told me what to buy.”
That was all the texting Wyatt had done that day as I’d rested next to him.
Reid exhaled heavily as he stared out at the view. “There was a time I thought about ending it all. I stole a bottle of sleep-aidpills from the pharmacy and kept them hidden under my bed. I’d pull them out whenever I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, which happened more than I like to think about. I’d sit there staring at that bottle in my hands fighting with myself for my fucking life. I had to grab onto reasons. Mac, Roe, Wyatt. They needed me. They’d miss me. I’d hurt them by doing this.”
It reminded me of my conversation with Roe when he’d asked me what I had meant about needing reasons.
Reid glanced at me. “After Roe told me that you had been drawing nothing but this bridge, I came over and looked through your sketchbook for myself. Sorry to snoop, but after everything you had been through, I wanted to make sure…” He trailed off. “Seeing those drawings gave me a bad feeling just as much as it did for Roe and Wyatt.”
“I haven’t drawn this bridge in over a week,” I said.
“I know.”
“Why didn’t you ask about it before?”
“You seemed like you were getting better. Roe and Wyatt thought it would be best to just keep watch, which they didn’t get to do because you asked for space for five days.”
“Five days and I texted you three every day. Why bring it up now?” I asked.
“Because the day your mother’s boyfriend attacked you and Noble came up to me saying we needed to get to Bram’s without telling me what happened, I thought I might puke. And today, my mom called saying you needed someone. It worried me. It didn’t help seeing how upset you looked when you opened your door earlier. I know things have been improving, but I need some peace of mind. I’m not as patient as my best friends. I can’t just stand by and keep watch when I know what it’s like to be on the other side of it. I need to know—” He gestured to the whole bridge. “Is this your bottle of pills?”
I stared out at the water, which had turned black as night took over. “Leading up to that day you saved me, I would have sworn I was risking death just to hang out with you three. Part of me was terrified by that, but another part felt like it was worth it. It was better to die after having a handful of moments of freedom and happiness than to live and continue suffering. When I came home after the club’s barbecue, she was there and she caught me. I thought it was over. She was going to kill me this time, and I was ready to die. I was ready for the pain to end. I didn’t fight. Even when Clay’s hands were around my neck, I just lay there slipping away, at peace with it.
“Then I opened my eyes and there you were. I was so disappointed.” I peeked at him out of the corner of my eye with a small smile briefly before looking back out at the water. “Everything went so fast after that. You got me out. You brought me to Bram’s. Meanwhile, I was still grappling with still being alive. You all were insisting on taking me to a hospital, which was a stupid idea, because she would have had you all arrested for what she’d had Clay do to me and I would have been taken back home. I told you all no and you wouldn’t listen, so I was going to leave before I dragged you all down with me. If Roe hadn’t stopped me, I would have walked out that door. It didn’t matter how much pain I was in, I was going to come here, even if I had to drag my broken body all the way. I probably would have come to this spot, climbed onto the railing, and not hesitated to jump.” I looked at him. “So yes, this was my bottle of pills. But Roe stopped me from leaving. He threatened to follow me wherever I go. It frustrated the hell out of me, but it made me fight myself for my fucking life.
“I drew this bridge over and over because it was how I appeased the hopeless part of me that still wanted to come here. It bought me more time so I could find my reasons for staying, because back then, l didn’t trust that Bram would protect me andthere was still this impending doom that my mother would drag me back.”
“Then he protected you from Clay,” he said.
I nodded. “I didn’t need to draw a bridge again after that and still haven’t. I’m good. It’s strange saying that without it being a lie, but I really am. Or at least, better than I’ve ever been,” I assured. “I’m more than likely going to need a fuck-ton of therapy later on.”
He huffed a humorless laugh. “I should probably get some, too. One of these days.”
I turned around and faced the road. “The food was good, but you’ll need to do better on our next date.”
“Oh, really?” The corner of his mouth lifted slightly as he stared at me.
