‘But what about us?’
He looks back at me. ‘I can’t hurt you any more, Nelly.’
After he leaves the flat, tears stream down my face. This must be what heartache feels like. The urge to go to get a bowl of cereal, return to my bed, switch on daytime TV and stay there for the rest of the day is strong. However, I have a job.
The bookshop is busy, which is a blessing as it keeps me from stewing over Oliver leaving. I see a few sad customer visions, but I am already feeling low, so I don’t pay much attention to them. Seeing Oliver’s books on the display table makes my chest ache and I quickly blink away my tears. At lunchtime, after a little cry in the back room, I google the opening hours of the local swimming pool and decide to pay a visit after work. What I have learnt over the past few weeks is that water can help me.
The day goes by quickly and soon there is only fifteen minutes left till closing time. I am looking forward to going home, grabbing my swimming costume, driving to the sports centre and entering the water.
‘Hello, Nelly,’ says a familiar voice. I look up to Henry. He’s smiling, and for a few fleeting moments, I forget about my heartache. ‘I was wondering whether you fancied meeting up one lunchtime this week. We could try the new coffee house which has opened on the high street.’
I want to hide away and feel sad about Oliver leaving. ‘Thanks, Henry, but I’m?—’
He interrupts me. ‘Please let me take you for a coffee. I want to make it up to you after I told you about our mothers arguing.’
His eyes have a sorrowful look about them. He’s an old friend and if it wasn’t for him asking me to keep hold of Margo’s book I would never have gone back to swimming. Perhaps he could cheer me up – or at the very least provide some respite from my thoughts about Oliver.
‘I will come,’ I say. ‘When?’
He takes out his phone. ‘Tomorrow – Friday?’
‘Sounds good.’
With a smile he nods. ‘I’ll come in about midday, and we can go from there.’
I watch him leave the shop and then I inform Miranda I’m leaving a few minutes early. The water is calling me.
43
It’s Friday, and I have thought about Oliver non-stop. The bookshop is quiet, and I have a throbbing headache. Last night after work I swam until I felt exhausted. I think I overdid it. At one point I did stop to float and let the water cradle me. When I got out later, I felt a little lighter, but the second I arrived home and saw Lenny camped out by the door, waiting for Oliver, the heavy sad feeling returned.
It’s mid-morning and I feel like cancelling my plans with Henry. I am not in the mood to make friendly small talk. Miranda comes up to the counter and studies my face. ‘You look unwell, Nelly.’
I rub my forehead. ‘Just a headache.’
She frowns. ‘Why don’t you go home after your date with Henry?’
‘It’s not a date,’ I snap.
‘Well, go home and take the rest of the day as sick leave. You look deathly pale.’
I eye her with suspicion. What is she up to? I can’t recall her ever sending me home sick. ‘Are you okay, Miranda?’
She giggles. ‘I have been on a date with a new man and he’s coming into the shop this afternoon.’
Ah, I knew there was a reason.
‘I can’t have him seeing you looking like you’ve been dug up. Whatever will he think?’ She smiles. ‘Get some rest, Nelly.’
I watch her hurry away. The thought of going back to my flat after Henry’s coffee and wallowing in my sadness is appealing. I can buy some new cereal on the way home too. Last night I messaged Eva and she recommended that sugary cereal and chocolate work best on a broken heart. She also offered to come over but I was too tired.
‘Can I buy this please?’ a man says, presenting me with the book he wants to buy. It’s on the history of the motorbike. After he makes a payment, I slide his book into a bag and hand it to him. Our fingers brush and when the light clears, I see him as an elderly man sitting by the bedside of another elderly man. He’s holding the man’s hand and telling him he loves him. His love will last a lifetime. I gulp back a wave of emotion as Oliver’s face appears in my mind.
The man puts his card back in his wallet as sound comes back to my ears. He looks around the shop. ‘My partner was supposed to be meeting me in here. I don’t know where he’s got to.’
‘Is he busy shopping?’
The man smiles. ‘Probably. I am not moaning. He can shop for as long as he wants. I am just glad he’s back in my life.’
