Mike and I split up again years ago. He moved out. The girls were upset, but I think they have realised I got back with him for the wrong reasons.
Polly, I love you, and I don’t think I have ever stopped loving you.
I have a horrid feeling you will read this letter and throw it away.
I heard through a contact on Facebook that you’ve not been well, and it breaks my heart to think about you being so poorly.
I LOVE YOU, POLLY. ALWAYS HAVE. NEVER STOPPED.
Hilary x
As I read the letter for a second time, I recall what Oliver said about Juliet and love lingering and waiting for years.
I put the letters back in the drawer and decide to talk to Oliver later.
Before I leave for the train, Aunt Polly hands me the car keys for Nigella. ‘Why are you giving me these?’ I ask.
‘I’ve been doing some thinking. That car sits outside my house day in day out. I only use it for the hospital, and you drive it all the time. Also, I think it would be quicker and less hassle for you to drive here on the days you come to visit. What I am saying is, Nelly, take Nigella and put her to good use.’
This is a generous offer, but Nigella is problematic at the best of times, and I think she will cause more hassle than the train. ‘It’s okay, you keep her here.’
My aunt shakes her head. ‘Please, Nelly, it would make me happy.’
I silently let out a groan. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Nigella will be excited at the prospect of spending more time with you.’
42
Nigella is on her best behaviour as I drive her home. There’s no seatbelt strangulation or stalling. She also doesn’t spit out the CD I listened to.
My legs ache as I climb the stairs to my flat. All the swimming I have been doing is good for my mind but it’s hell for my muscles.
Oliver isn’t home when I get in. After making myself some beans on toast, I sit with Lenny on my chair and think about my aunt and Hilary. I want to sit down and talk to my aunt about what I’ve found and ask her why she’s not replied to Hilary. She has probably been trying to forget about her, but from what I saw earlier, Hilary is still on her mind. The vision I see whenever I touch Aunt Polly is bugging me as well. For years I have assumed the silver bracelet with the padlock belonged to Sandra; now I am wondering whether it’s Hilary’s. The problem I have is that my aunt gets defensive whenever I talk about Hilary and right now, she’s going through a tough time, and I don’t want to cause her any more pain. Perhaps when she’s in remission I could take her for a long walk on the beach and talk to her.
I still haven’t read Mum’s notebook. With everything that has happened with my aunt and Hilary I feel emotionally and physically spent. It will keep.
Oliver is not home by the time I go to bed. I try to stay awake, but exhaustion takes hold of me.
CRASH. I sit up in bed with a thudding heart. What was that?
The flat door slams. I can hear someone staggering up the hallway. The bedroom door bangs open and Oliver bursts through and falls onto the bed, knocking over the pillow wall. I can smell beer.
Anger floods my body. ‘Oliver,’ I yelp. ‘You said you wouldn’t wake me up in the middle of the night.’
‘Fucking Rory,’ he slurs, rolling onto his back. ‘I hate him.’
‘Oliver, I need to go to sleep.’ The clock is telling me that it’s half past one in the morning.
‘I hate Rory.’
He’s so drunk. I can’t sleep here. I snatch a pillow and get out of bed.
‘Where are you going?’ Oliver groans.
‘I’m not sleeping here.’ I stride across the bedroom. ‘You’re drunk and you’ve ruined the pillow wall.’
‘Nelly, I’m not that drunk. I had two pints.’
