“I’m not sure why, but it reminds me of my mom. My real mom. I don’t remember her voice, but when I listen to this song, I can hear her singing it to me. It’s not a real memory. But it feels real. Her arms rocking me to sleep, her kissing me goodnight.” Her tear-filled eyes lift to mine again. “It makes me feel like someone loved me once.”
The words tear through me, slow and merciless. Something furious wakes up in my chest. The world had her in its hands, and instead of protecting her, loving her, it squeezed and tore through her. It made her feel unlovable, unwanted.
I’ll end them all.
My thumb presses under her eyes, catching a tear before it can fall.
“She loved you,” I tell her with absolute certainty. “Youareloved, Ashlynn. Anyone who’s made you feel any different will pay for that mistake.”
Her breath stutters, fresh tears building in her eyes. The words hit somewhere deep and buried, somewhere tender she stopped letting anyone near a long time ago. Her fingers curl into my shirt, knuckles brushing against my ribs.
“Karson…” her voice cracks. It’s not a warning, not an argument. It’s relief, and it wrecks me. Silent tears stream down her face as I tug her closer. My palm slides up her back until I can feel her racing heart under my hand. Pressing my mouth to her temple, I hold it there.
“You don’t get to doubt that again,” I murmur against her skin. “Not here. Not with me.”
My free hand grabs hers, lacing our fingers together, and I drag her hand back to my chest.
“This is where you are,” I say quietly.
She presses closer, like she’s trying to crawl under my ribs and live there. I let her. Her thumb drags slowly over my heart beat as I tighten my arm around her back. We lay quietly like this for a while, the song still drifting through the room, wrapping around us.
I wonder how many nights it held her when I couldn’t.
My hand tightens over hers.
“Can I try something?” I ask.
“Like what?” she whispers.
Her eyes lift to mine, searching. Her bottom lip pulls between her teeth, nerves flickering. When she starts to look away, I hook my finger under her chin and bring her back to me.
“If you hate it, we switch it back,” I promise.
She studies me for a long second. Measuring. Deciding. Then she nods carefully. Like she’s handing me something breakable. She slips from my hold just enough to reach for the phone on the nightstand, then places it in my hand.
I don’t ask for the passcode. I already know it. Her birthday. The one she thinks everyone forgot. The screen lights up, and I feel her watching me. Waiting to see what I’ll do with something that means so much to her.
Careful, Tate.
Opening her music app, my thumb hovers for a second longer than it should. If I pick wrong, I might shatter something fragile between us andforher.
Then, I make my choice. Not to replace her comfort, nor to erase it. To stand beside it.
Setting the phone on the mattress beside me, I pull her back into me before the first note ofLullabyby Nickelback fully settles into the room. My lips press into her hair, and I lock my arm around her waist once more. Her cheek presses into my side and she drapes her arm around my middle.
The first chords drift through the room, wrapping around us instead of cutting through. Something in my chest loosens. Not all the way. It never will. But enough that I can breathe without feeling like the world is seconds from stealing her again.
She stills when she realizes what song it is. Not tense, just surprise. She presses her face against my ribs, as if she's trying to hide the smile I can feel. Trying to hide the fact that it means something.
Good. Let it mean something, doll.
Dragging my thumb slowly back and forth along her arm, I count each breath she takes. Memorizing the weight of her, the heat of her, the way she fits like she was carved out just for me and finally put back where she belongs.
Mine.
By the time the chorus rolls in, her body gives up the fight, relaxing in my hold. Her grip loosens. Her breathing deepens as the tension leaves her in quiet pieces, one after another until she’s warm and asleep against my side.
My lids grow heavy, but I refuse to fall asleep. Not yet. I don’t want to lose this feeling. Her in my arms. Feeling for the first time since I found her again, like I’m not standing on guard over something I’m about to lose.
