A shadow fell over the room, and I turned my head the other way to see Bowen and Theo peeking through the window next to the front door. Theo pointed, asking if they could come in. I put a finger to my lips to let them know to be quiet. They slipped inside, tiptoed across the room, and towered over me.
Theo gave me a baffled look.She never naps, he mouthed.And she’s had trouble sleeping ever since you left.
I hated that he knew that about her. It meant I hadn’t been here to do my job as her husband.Yes. But you’re here now. And look, she feels safe with you. That has to mean something.
Bowen looked at me and smiled.
With Jules asleep in my arms, the noise in my chest wentquiet, replaced by a familiar peace I hadn’t felt since the day I left. I made myself a promise right then: I’d fight for her, all to pieces, as my dad and Anna often said. And I’d spend every day making sure she never doubted my love again.
I looked up at my brother and my cousin and mouthed,I have to stay, don’t I?
They both nodded, their smiles soft and sad, eyes heavy.
They were right, I did. But knowing what to do and doing it were two very different things. Could I handle living here again?
Screw that,I thought.I have to.
The same way Jules had wrestled me to the ground, I would mind over matter my issues until they were breathless and beaten. I’d do whatever it took to make a happy life with her. Even if that meant being a permanent resident of Seddledowne. I’d learn to love it here.
Don’t you mean you’ll learn to love it here again?
It was true. Up until my freshman year in college, when Selene came along and put a crack in my relationship with Bowen, this had been my favorite place. Like the rest of my family, I’d planned to come back for good after I earned my degree. Wanted my kids to grow up running wild over the rolling hills of Firefly Fields, Clean Slate, and Dupree Ranch.
But how could I fall back in love with a place that had caused me so much pain?
Bowen must’ve read my face. His smile faded.Don’t worry. We’ll help.
And I knew he was good for it. Bowen always kept his promises.
Maybe it was because I was feeling sufficiently humbled, crotch tender, my heart cracked open a little, that I was finally able to accept a truth I’d known all along. Bowen hadn’t meant to hurt me. Quite the opposite. He’d always wanted a relationship with me—even when I’d pushed him away. Anddespite all the ways I’d hurt him, he’d never once written me off.
He stared down at me, his stormy-gray eyes intense, something raw on his face.I love you, he said.I’m sorry.For everything.
His words undid me, and my heart broke open the rest of the way.
A tear rolled down my cheek.I know. I’m sorry too.I love you. So much.
He smiled, eyes welling.
I glanced at Theo, whose left eyebrow was trying to escape his face, gaping at us like he didn’t know who we were.
I winked at him and made kissy lips.I love you too, Theodore.Then I went serious.Thanks for taking care of her.
He nodded, expression solemn.You’re welcome.
I gestured for him to lean down. When he did, I hooked a finger in his ear and tugged him closer.
He whimpered.
“But I’m still pissed you lied about letting her live with you,” I hissed. “You shoulda told me the truth, Theodork. Sleep light, you rat. Sleep light.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
JULIETTE
If I wanted to convince Griffin that I actually wanted this divorce, passing out on his chest for two hours was a terrible strategy. But after four months of running on caffeine, anxiety, and spite, my defenses collapsed the second I felt safe again. I didn’t notice I was drifting off. I was just gone.
Sometime later, I woke up in my bed. Rubbing sleep from my eyes, I scanned the room for my phone and spotted it on the floor—stuffed inside my tennis shoe. When I checked the time, my eyes bugged. I’d slept for three hours?
