But I couldn’t. I couldn’t stay. I was about to hyperventilate just thinking about it. If this really was her dream, we’d find another way.
“We have a plane to catch, Jules. Are you coming or not?” I asked, stupidly thinking that if I made it black and white,she’d choose me.
She searched my face. I felt it before she said it. Even tried to brace myself. But when she whispered, “Not,” it felt like she’d reached into my chest, yanked my heart out, and crushed it between her fingers.
My vision blurred—rage and grief, both at once. “Fine. Have it your way.” I yanked my wedding band off and slapped it into her hand. “Hope it’s worth it.”
I didn’t say goodbye to my brothers. Didn’t hug Sophie.Didn’t kiss my niece one last time. I grabbed my suitcase. Left Jules’s where it was. Threw the door open and slammed it behind me.
Most of my extended family was in the yard. Holden started toward me, but I emitted a signal of complete and total back the hell off.
“Dad!” I shouted. “Mom!” They looked over from the other side of the yard where they were talking with Granny and Gramps. “Let’s go!”
For the first ten minutes, my parents tried to get me to talk—to tell them what happened, why Jules wasn’t with us. But I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breathe.
Finally, Dad called Bowen to find out. I let him listen to whatever version Bowen was painting of me, and I didn’t try to defend myself.
I didn’t care.
All I cared about was that once again, the woman I loved loved something else more than me.
When I couldn’t hold back any longer, I lay down across the back seat, pulled my hoodie over my face, and sobbed the rest of the drive.
November
December
Chapter Twenty-One
GRIFFIN—JANUARY
Isat on a granite bluff above the western edge of Yosemite, boots off, socks smoking, content to never move from this spot. Below me, the valley was charred in places, but the fire was finally out. For the first time in months, there was the wondrous sound of silence. No pine trees rip-roaring louder than a train as they burned to the ground. No air tankers thundering overhead, dropping red lines of slurry. No chainsaws chewing through fallen timber. Just quiet.
It had taken everything we had, but we beat it. And sitting there, muscles spent, legs dangling off the side, with dirt in my teeth and ash on my skin, I should’ve felt more than I did.
“Feel like a freaking king, don’t you?” Boone laughed, dropping beside me.
“Sure do,” I lied.
He held out a Gatorade—still fogged with cold. “Supply crew just showed up.”
I ripped the top off and chugged it so fast it gave me brain freeze. I wiped my mouth on the sleeve of my Nomex fireshirt.
We stared at the valley below, letting the light breeze cool us.
“Man,” Boone said, head tipping back. “What’re you doing here? Go be with your wife. Go be with your family. How am I supposed to meet your gorgeous sister if you’re never home to invite me?”
I snorted. “You wouldn’t want Sophie anyway. She’s too feisty. She’d have you crying before Mom even brought out the appetizers.”
“Can’t wait.” But then his lips pursed. “You’re cut from a cloth all your own, that’s for sure.”
“You make it sound like a bad thing.” I glanced over my shoulder, wondering how far I’d have to go to get another Gatorade.
Boone handed me his. “I already guzzled two. And it is a bad thing. It’s making you very, very stupid.”
I gave him some side-eye while I downed my second drink.
“It’s not just me,” he said. “Ask any of the crew. They think you’re out of your mind, leaving Juliette Serrant behind to come back and fight fires. That is the definition of insane.”
