I already did my workout. Getting the kids ready for school soon.
Do you have a minute to talk?
Sure.
Lexi dialed her sister and flopped down on the sofa in her living room, staring up at the ceiling.
“What’s up?” Bianca asked when she answered.
“I think I ruined my life. Again.” She explained everything that had happened last night. “What do I do?”
“I can’t answer that for you. Only you know what the solution is.”
Lexi picked at her fingernail, thinking about how much she disliked her sister’s reply. “That’s not helpful.”
“Fine. Let’s look at the reality. I mean, a guy like Jack won’t stick around forever, especially after he said I love you and you didn’t respond in kind.”
Her heart lurched at the thought of her panic last night. “That was definitely a mistake. I messed up.”
“Well, do you? Love him?”
“Yes.” As certain as Lexi was of the answer, the word nearly came out as a whisper.
“Are you sure?”
“I am. It just feels foolish. I thought I loved Brett. I thought I loved Roger. Then I thought I loved Brett again. But none of that worked out, and I don’t think I can go through that again. It hurts too much to be rejected.”
“And yet that’s exactly what you did to Jack last night.”
Lexi’s stomach sank. “I know. I feel terrible.”
“At the very least, he deserves an apology, right?” Bianca asked. “And maybe he’s willing to talk it through with you.”
“I definitely need to tell him I’m sorry. I just don’t know what comes after that, and I know he’s going to want to know what I think about a future.”
“I want you to close your eyes,” her sister told her.
“What? Why?”
“Just do it, okay?”
Lexi grumbled but did exactly what Bianca said, shutting her eyes and staring off into black and nothingness. “They’re closed.”
“Now imagine you’ve moved into your own house. Think about one of the places you’ve looked at. Don’t think about tomorrow. I want you to think about a year from now. Imagine your furniture placed exactly the way you want it. Think about what it’s going to be like on a Saturday morning, when you have the whole weekend ahead of you.”
“Okay.”
“What does it look like?”
Lexi imagined the house she’d liked most from the online listings. She imagined the photos she’d seen, pictured it with furniture she picked out, just for her. Everything would be perfect.
But it wasn’t going to be home.
Part of that would be because it was new. But part of that would be because it would be empty. She wouldn’t have anyone to laugh with. Or cuddle up with. But it was more than that. Because the only one she wanted to do those things with was Jack. He was the only person who’d made her laugh so hard she doubled over. And he was the only one with the courage to call her out when she was being ridiculous. Bianca did that for her, too, but she was her sister, and she had her own life. Lexi wanted a life for herself, as well.
“It looks sad and pathetic and terrible.”
“Why does it look like that?”
