“Don’t say ‘your friend Lela’ like that doesn’t mean anything. You were always important to me.”
“Not as important as you were to me.” The words were flowing from her mouth now. She couldn’t stop them.
“I don’t know about that.”
“But you were my everything.” Lela closed her eyes, breathing in the heady aroma of Donovan and sex, as sleep was about to pull her into a deep slumber. “I loved you. So. Much.”
Chapter Five
Even though itwas keeping him awake, Donovan was oddly thankful for the near-chainsaw level of Lela’s snoring. The buzz helped to drown out the sound of his own hyperventilating. His chest was tight. He was sweating. He felt like he might get sick. Lela had unburdened herself from a secret that might have changed the entire course of his life. She was in love with him? Why in the hell hadn’t she said something? Why had she chosen to keep that to herself?
He couldn’t get comfortable in her bed. The sheets were almost too soft, the mattress too perfectly supportive. The tingling sensation in his shoulders was compounding his restlessness. Meanwhile, he couldn’t stop thinking about how his life would’ve turned out differently if he’d had that bit of information at the time. Would he have still married Genevieve? That would’ve broken Lela’s heart.Oh, wait—it probably did break her heart, dumbass.Just because he hadn’t known about the way she felt, didn’t mean her feelings hadn’t been there.
That made his stomach churn, because he knew deep down that the minute Genevieve called him and told him about the positive pregnancy test, it was game-over for Donovan. He’d had no choice but to marry her. There was no way he would’ve shirked the responsibility of a child. He wasnothis dad. Or at least he’d been sure at the time that he wasn’t. Then he’d gone and repeated his mistakes just a few years later. So maybe he was at least a little bit his dad. At forty-eight years old, he doubted he could shake it now.
Panic coursed through him. He felt like he was caged in his own body, a prisoner of his thoughts.Go. Go. Get some fresh air. Get back your freedom.That seemed like the logical next step, but he’d taken off the only other time he and Lela had slept together. He had to stop repeating the mistakes of the past.
Lela snuggled closer to him and Donovan was truly torn. Last night was supposed to be pure fun, but Lela’s words had changed everything. If only he hadn’t been such a macho dickhead, wrapped up in the fact that the first time he and Lela had slept together, he’d failed to accomplish his mission.Themission. He wanted so badly to be someone different right now—the guy who wouldn’t think twice about pulling her closer, who’d have no problem drifting off to sleep, and spending a weekend with her. But would it ever be that simple? For him? The answer was no. It was never, ever that easy. The minute you introduced the idea of becoming entangled, the expectations kicked in, and Donovan always failed. Case in point, the way he was feeling right now, in Lela’s bed.
The faintest strains of moonlight filtered through the shades of her bedroom window, lighting up her face. Even though they’d spent so many years apart and not communicating, her friendship still meant so much. She deserved better than this. She deserved better than him. Donovan would bring nothing but misery and bullshit to her life and Lela was the last person he wished that on. As if his body wanted to push him closer to a decision, he felt a zap from his chest to his shoulder.Am I having a heart attack? WTF? I run like three miles a day. Although, I also eat too much cheese.He decided that this wasn’t physical. This was all in his head. And the sooner he pried himself from this situation, the sooner he and Lela could both return to their lives.
Silently, he peeled back the sheet and slipped off the mattress, doing his best to not disturb Lela. Unfortunately, he couldn’t turn on the light to find his clothes, so he was left shuffling around the floor, searching with his feet, then picking up the found clothing and determining whether said garment belonged to him or Lela. He located his boxers. Then his jeans. He was stepping into the former when behind him, the door to Lela’s room creaked.
A howl of a meow broke the silence.Ma-rowwwr.
“Shhh. Shhh. Shhh,” Donovan whispered at Rio.
The cat scampered through the dark and head butted Donovan’s leg just as he was balancing on one foot to put on his pants. He stumbled across the floor, his footfalls like boulders tumbling out of the back of a truck. He caught himself on a chair. Rio meowed again. Donovan froze at the earsplitting silence that followed, waiting for several heartbeats, which came lightning fast as he worried Lela was awake.
Snooooooort. Shhhhhhh.She went back to snoring.
He finally felt like he could exhale.Shit.
His escape plan was not going well. He decided he should finish getting dressed downstairs, so he hunted down his shirt and jacket and tiptoed out of the room. With every step down the stairs, guilt hit him a little harder. All he could imagine was Lela’s face in the morning and how grossly disappointed she was going to be with him. He would prove himself to be exactly what she’d most likely been thinking all these years—a total loser. It wouldn’t be pretty, but it was for the best. Lela had her entire life ahead of her now that she was free of her husband. Donovan was only going to hold her back.
He quickly finished dressing in the kitchen, then looked everywhere for something on which to write a note. He wound up in the living room, where a small desk was tucked into one corner. But when he reached it, there was no paper to be found, and he didn’t want to dig through the drawers. He then spotted the printer.Paper.The instant he slid it open, it started beeping like a garbage truck backing up. He grabbed a piece and slammed it shut, his heart thundering yet again. He plucked a pen from the coffee mug, but as soon as he clicked it, he was stuck with a new realization—he had no clue what to say. No excuse was going to make him sound like less of an asshole. And he didn’t want to lie. Not to Lela.
So he decided that he wouldn’t saywhyhe was leaving, only that he was.
Dear Lela,
Thank you for an amazing night. It was so good to reconnect. Hopefully I’ll see you before another twenty-five years go by.
Love,
Donovan
He sighed, knowing exactly how piss-poor this letter was. It was like a knife in the center of his chest to leave. But he didn’t see that he had another choice.
So he left the note on her desk, unlatched the deadbolt, and slipped out through Lela’s front door.
Chapter Six
The minute Lela woke up,she was overcome with another stupidly happy wave of bliss. Her night with Donovan had been wonderful. And there was more ahead. But then she cracked open one eye, saw that he wasn’t in her bed, and she immediately knew what had happened.Fuckity fuck fuck.
“Donovan?” she called. There was no answer.
He’d taken off. Again.
