I look up at him with a wobbly smile lifting one hand in the air palm up. "Oh look at the klutz he gets for a wife.” My voice falters. “I'm a stranger to you all, and the last thing I wanted was to embarrass our families or myself. I just wanted to make a good impression. Do something right for once. "
Hunching up my shoulders, I can't stop them anymore. My eyes start to sting and the tears prickle the corners threatening to fall. "I'm glad my impending death makes you laugh but to me? This is serious."
I can't stand to look at him anymore. Turning away, I head over to the back of the patio by the stairs leading down into the gardens. Fear takes over and I am scared now.
Really scared of my dad mostly.
I have to move because I don't know what else to do. Pacing won't help me, but it does help to burn off some of my anxiety as I wait for the solution to this mess to come to me. Back and forth, back and forth along the stone wall.
It’s not stopping the loop that continues to replay that whole scene in my mind. I clench my fist at my sides and sigh in humiliation.
I mean,good God, I totally kicked my purse across the room, stumbled in like a clown, stuttered out my excuse like a fool, embarrassed myself completely, and then I got dragged out of the room by his brother, no less.
That whole scene in itself proves the fact that I am not worthy to be Alexander's wife or any member of the organization for that matter. Oh god, how did I manage to screw this up so badly?
I walk farther back into the shade of the patio by the back wall of the house, leaning up against the cool stucco, and I rest my head against it, looking up at the blue sky. I need to figure out a way to repair this because if the Russos don't kill me, I'm pretty sure my father and my mother are going to on the way home. I can see my dad opening the car door and just throwing me out into oncoming traffic.
Right about now, a Mac truck would solve everyone's problem. I wouldn't have to face my family or theirs.
Alexander would be free to move on and find a suitable wife, most likely my sister in her perfect gold gown. My stomach flips, and I can feel the saliva starting to build in the back of my throat, making me feel sick like I want to throw up.
I look back at the garden beyond; a bead of sweat tickles downthe side of my face. My Father is going to kill me or worse. My vision starts to go first because the trees are starting to get a bit fuzzy. I bend over at the waist, hands on my knees, breathing in deeply.
Nothing will get resolved if I unravel into a stress coma. Use your tools, Isabella!
"Chester Charlie and Chad." Breathe out.
Breathe in. "Chester Charlie and Chad."
"I'm pretty sure saying other men's names right now is not a good idea."
A deep voice says, from across the balcony. I gurgle out a startled scream and jump. I can only make out a hazy shadow, but I know it's Sebastian.
Holy pied piper! I forgot he was even there. I was so in my head. Humiliation swamps me again, losing what little ground I gained. As my throat constricts, I desperately try to latch on to something to keep me grounded and grasp the area in front of me, but I can't find anything, so I grab my dress for support.
"I can't! I can’t get any air at all! " My voice is breaking as I almost sob. I'm humiliated enough without crying, but I've fallen too deep down the rabbit hole.
"Hey? Hey, now? It's OK, little red." Sebastian's voice is soft, losing all humour; he steps beside me, leaning his back on the wall. He puts his hand in the middle of my back, rubbing in small, tiny circles. We stand in silence for a few minutes until his deep voice breaks it.
"You're right. I don't know you. I don't know much about the situation at all. I just saw a pretty lady in a room full of pompous asses watching her trying to compose herself. And I couldn't let you stay there, glaring at you with their haughty expressions for one more minute. "
He removes his hand from my back, putting them behind him ashe leans up against the wall. "No one will hurt you, little red. I promise. You needed to get out of there but I didn't think you'd be this upset about it."
I'm still drawing in air through my nose and breathing it out slowly through my mouth. I took my medication this morning hoping it would keep this kind of thing from happening, but I'm thinking at this particular moment, I might need another one.
It's too soon to take more meds, but I'm too far gone not to. I don’t think my diazepam/Viagra expected to have to cover so much stress in one day.
"Can you f-ind me my p-urse please?" I point to where I dropped it.
"Sure. Just hold on a sec. "
Sebastian heads towards the railing, snags it off the ground, trots back over, and places it in my hand, resuming his place right beside me by the wall. As I straighten up, with shaky hands, I lift the clasp digging around with one hand and finally feel the pill bottle in my numb fingers. My hand is too shaky to open the lid. Stuffing the purse under my armpit, I try again with both hands and lean back against the wall.
"Here, little red, I'll do it." He gently takes the bottle from my trembling hand. His large hands easily pop it open, and after shaking out a tablet, he hands it to me.
"Do you need water?"
I shake my head and pop the pill. I swallow it down and lean my head back against the wall.
