Their eyes and mouths devoured me. They tore me down to the most basic cell structure and built me anew. I’d never experienced anything like that before.
I mean, before the night of the engagement party, I’d only had a kiss or two, shared with guys I had no real interest in. They had kissedmemore than I kissedthem.
But no one had ever touched my body or explored it the way Dean and Asher did. I’m a bit scared of what our next meetingwill look like, given the escalation of our last. Part of me can’t stop imagining it … both of them wanting me… taking me.
There’s something so dirty and sexy about having them both. I thought it would feel unnatural, sharing them, but they’ve made it feel so right and meant to be. I don’t even question it when I’m with them.
Thankfully, at the recent meet though, I was smart enough not to give them my phone number. I was already slipping up when Asher saw Gus as my wallpaper.
But when I remembered what Ash was going to school for, I figured not letting him have my number would be for the best. I didn’t know what sneaky tech tools he had. He might be able to figure out who the phone was registered to, and I couldn’t risk that.
But I haven’t texted them yet.
At first, the urge was so strong, but the longer I sit and think about messaging them, the more anxious I get.
Is it really a good idea to open up a whole new channel of communication between us?
I could end all of this by never seeing them again or messaging them. It would be torturous, but I could do it. I’ve done harder things in my life.
Besides, we would all be better off without this secret between us. Logically, it can’t end well.
“Ugh,” I growl in frustration, wishing I could just talk to my dad or my mom. They were always the best people to go to for advice.
I know Jules and Myra are trying their best to help, but I think they may be biased on which path I should take. I love all that they’ve done for me, but in the back of my mind, I can’t help worrying that they’re working for my stepmother. They’ve never given me any reason to believe that. I know it’s just Adrianna’s voice in my head, telling me not to get close to them or to trustthem. Having her as my inner voice has done horrible things to my psyche after all these years.
Add my next decision to the list of bad choices I’ve been making recently. But screw it. I need to see it.
Digging through my wardrobe, I find the chest bag I’m looking for and slip it over my shoulder.
“Come on, Gus-Gus. Let’s go for a walk.”
I stretch my hand out to him, and he climbs on. Carefully, I tuck him into the big front pocket of my chest bag.
“We’re ditching class today.”
It’s a longer walk than I anticipated, but two miles later, I turn onto Woods Boulevard, nostalgia punching me in the heart.
“This is where I used to live, Gus.”
I swear he pops his head up, as if he understood me, his whiskers twitching in the air.
“Not this one,” I tell him as he glances at the blue house on the corner. “The green one with ivy growing on the brick, up here on the left.”
I know I can’t go inside, but even being in the vicinity of my parents’ home makes me feel closer to them somehow. Twenty more feet down the sidewalk, and I turn to face my childhood home.
For a moment, I can nearly see my dad chasing me through the yard while my mom sat in her deck chair, watching with a smile and a laugh. They were such happy people. We all were. Until Adrianna entered the picture.
She sucked all things good from my life without any remorse.
I think that’s what I struggle with the most. How can she be so cruel and not feel bad afterward? If I so much as step on a bug or accidentally hurt someone’s feelings, it eats me alive. Yet she can take over my family name, burn through all of my dad’s money, and treat me worse than the dirt on her shoe without batting an eye. I can’t understand it. Maybe that’s a good thing.
“I think we’ll sit here for a few minutes, buddy,” I tell Gus as I plop down onto the sidewalk, pulling my legs into a crisscross position. “I wouldn’t have to hide you if they were still here. They loved all forms of life, even the little guys like you.”
The sun breaks through the clouds overhead, instantly warming me. My eyes well up with tears as the comforting rays envelop me. If there was ever to be a sign that they were still here with me, I’d like to believe it’s this.
Gus’s whiskers shimmer in the sunlight, his nose wriggling as he takes in all kinds of new smells.
I wish I could ask them what I should do about Dean and Asher. Would they have supported me if I chose to be with them both? Would they have hated me if choosing them cost me the house?
