Chapter 29: Sex Swings & Puddles of Lube
Allie
"Having you hold me forever sounds nice, but I'm pretty sure if I don't get up soon, we're going to be stuck together, literally."
Nico laughed. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure my cum's leaking out of you and-"
"Nico!" I shrieked, jerking back to smack him on the chest. I could feel myself blushing at his crudeness.
"What?" he asked, still laughing. "I'm just saying, things are gonna be a little messy. It was so fucking worth it, though." He flashed me a wicked grin as he swiveled his hips under me.
"Ok, that's not helping," I scolded him, cringing. I tried to raise up off his lap, but my legs were still a little shaky, so it wasn't nearly as graceful as I would have liked. Ever the gentleman, Nico helped me to my feet, then blew his gentlemanly facade by laughing his ass off as I did an admittedly strange looking hobble-waddle-shuffle to the half-bathroom across the hall. I flipped him off over my shoulder and heard him laugh louder.
"Love you, Sunshine!" he hollered behind me.
After I'd cleaned myself up as best I could, I opened the door to find my clothes folded in a neat pile in front of the doorway. Grateful that I didn't have to scramble around naked to find them, I dressed quickly and went off in search of the man I loved. I found him sitting at the kitchen island scrolling through his phone, dressed only in his jeans.
"Couldn't find your shirt?" I asked, sliding my hands over his bare chest. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you."
"It was sacrificed to the greater good," he grinned. At my questioning look, he elaborated, "I used it to wipe off my groin, so nothing dripped off of me when I moved."
"Ewww, sorry I asked."
"Totally worth it," he declared, leaning in to give me a quick kiss.
I gestured to his phone. "Anything interesting going on in the world?"
"Depends on your definition of interesting. There was one little tidbit that caught my eye. I didn't realize that you and Tony are having an affair right under my nose. That's why the band is breaking up. The article called you Allie Ono."
I gaped at him, not sure if he was joking, or if someone really had printed that shit.
"It's not all bad though. I mean, if you're Yoko, then that means Storm Front would be The Beatles. I can live with that."
He laughed as I continued to gape at him, then handed me his phone. "Look, it's all right there, you brazen hussy. I can't believe you would cheat on me, and with one of my best friends! I'm so heartbroken I've been drowning my sorrows in whiskeyand women, and Matt got a black eye trying to break up a fight between me and Tony."
"Whaaat?" was pretty much all I could manage. Nico's shit-eating grin widened as he gestured to his phone.
"Just look, Yoko. They have pictures and everything."
I looked at the screen, and there was indeed an article on the sleaziest of the tabloid sites, proclaiming my status as the "Cheating Bitch who Destroyed Storm Front". There were photos all right. There was one of Tony and I dancing at the awards show after-party. Another one that someone had snapped at the ice cream parlor Tony had taken me to after my disastrous date with Doyle the Douche. We were leaning close to each other at the little table, and he was holding my hand on the tabletop.
There was even one of me leaving Tony's apartment early in the morning "doing the walk of shame with my overnight bag" according to the photo's caption. I remembered that morning. The guys had an early flight to New York for a charity concert appearance, and Tony had gotten to the airport only to realize he'd left his small duffel bag sitting by his front door. I'd offered to bring it to him, so the private charter wasn't delayed any longer than necessary. There were numerous other shots, including several of him with Gracie, you know, because I was grooming him to be her other Daddy.
"This is fucking unbelievable! Where do they come up with this shit?" I asked in horrified amazement.
"Wait, this photo is from yesterday and Matt really does have a black eye. What did he do to himself?"
Nico shrugged. "I have no fucking idea, but it does look like somebody knocked the hell out of him. I texted him but haven't heard back yet."
"Oh Lord, this is ridiculous. Have any other sites picked up on this?"
"No, and I don't think they will. I mean, the fucking Daily Dish isn't exactly known for journalistic integrity or hard-hitting investigative pieces. Remember last month, they ran the story about the mayor being abducted by aliens and getting anal probed for two days, just because he wasn't seen in public for a few days, and then showed up to an event walking with a slight limp?"
I laughed, remembering the look on the mayor's face when he was asked about the article during a routine press conference a couple of days afterward. He hadn't heard anything about it before then, and his reaction was priceless. He'd barely stopped himself from saying "What the fuck?" into a live microphone. It turned out, the real story wasn't nearly as exciting as aliens and anal probes. He'd pulled a hamstring playing racquetball at his country club.
"I do think we should get our statement posted soon though. Why don't you call your folks and see if they're still at the mall?"
Mom answered on the second ring and told me that they were about ten minutes from their house and were planning on staying in the rest of the day. I gave her a heads up about posting our statement and the photos. I also told her about the Allie Ono story. Once she stopped laughing, she told me she was ashamed of me and was sure she'd raised me better than to be a shameless tramp, then questioned how she would ever be able to show her face in church again. Dad apparently questioned her end of theconversation, and she tried to relay the story to him but couldn't stop giggling.
