Before I could start my pity-party again I picked up my phone, deciding I should probably check in with someone. I turned it on, then waited for all of the notifications to ping. There were now twenty-three missed calls, seventeen voice mails and thirty-nine text messages. There were several unknown callers, probably reporters who had somehow gotten my number, but the rest were from my family and friends. I scrolled through the voicemails, stopping to listen to one from Nico from earlier today. He sounded upset. Desperate. Defeated. I hesitated, then tapped on my text icon. I sent him a quick message.
Me:I got your voice mail. I'm fine, just trying to avoid the media assholes. Gracie is with Hannah, so she's fine. I saw the statement you released, and I'm sorry. Are you OK? I hope you are able to press charges against that bitch. At the very least, call legal and get a restraining order."
I had barely hit the 'send' button before Nico called me. Shit. I was hoping he wouldn't do that.
"Hi Nico," I greeted him quietly.
I could hear a sigh on the other end - of relief or exhaustion - maybe both. "Hi, Sunshine. It's so good to hear your voice. I've been going out of my mind worrying about you. Where are you? Are you safe?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm hiding out at Aunt Ellen's. I figured those bastards couldn't track me down here."
He huffed out a laugh. "Yeah, well we couldn't track you down either, so you did a good job with that. Michael called and talked to your dad, who said Hannah had talked to you briefly, but nobody knew where you were. Or, if they did, they weren't about to tell me. Scott hung up on me. Hannah wouldn't answer my calls." He stopped and took a deep breath. "I'm so fucking sorry, Sunshine. I swear I didn't do anything with - "
"Stop," I interrupted him. "Just stop. You don't need to apologize. I read the statement Lana released, and I believe you."
He sighed in relief. "Oh God, thank fuck for that! Where are you now? I want to see you. I think we need to talk."
"We can just talk tomorrow. I mean, there's really nothing to discuss. It's over and done with. You don't need to explain anything. It's OK, really" I said.
"There's plenty to fucking discuss, Sunshine. That kiss, for one!" He sounded a bit testy now.
"No, Nico, there's really not. We got drunk, we kissed. End of story. It doesn't change anything between us. The public will believe that we aren't a couple sooner or later, and this will all die down. Don't worry about it. This will all blow over as soon as some politician gets caught with a hooker, or some socialite gets caught with the tennis pro at her country club," I joked, trying to convince myself as much as him that the kiss wasn't a big deal. I didn't think I could bear to listen to him try to let me down easy, or give me the "It's not you, it's me" speech.
Nico was quiet for so long that I thought we had gotten disconnected. "Nico?" I asked hesitantly.
He cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah, I'm still here." He paused again. "Even though you don't think we need to, I really want us talk, Allie. I think we need to clear the air. I get that today probably isn't the best time though. Fuck, I forgot I have to leave for the airport soon anyway. Lana wouldn't let me back out of doing that damned talk show."
"We're fine, Nico. Stop worrying about it. Go to New York, work your magic on Thomas Landry, and people will find something new to gossip about. I'm going to turn my phone off for the night. The stupid thing won't quite buzzing. I'll see you when you get back."
"OK. See you then, Sunshine."
James, Alex's best friend, came over later that evening, after finding out from Aunt Ellen that I was there. She was like a second mother to him, so I wasn't surprised to see him walk in the door.
"Hey, Allie-cat". I smiled at that. Alex had called me that from the day we met, and it had rubbed off on James, who still used the endearment once in a while. It was nice to hear it. "You doing OK?" he asked, greeting me with a big hug.
I nodded, "I've had better days, but I'm all right."
After dinner, we all watched a couple of reruns of Golden Girls that Aunt Ellen had recorded on her DVR. I wanted to be Sophia Petrillo when I grew up. She actually reminded me of Nico's Nonna. Aunt Ellen went to bed, and James and I settled in on the sofa to talk and catch up.
"So, are you and Nico really together now?" he asked.
"No, we're just friends. We were both just a little drunk last night. That's the only time we've ever even kissed," I said.
He chuckled. "Well, I have to say, I don't go around kissing my 'friends' like that, drunk or not." He made finger-quotes on the word friends.
"I would hope not," I laughed. "Alex would have knocked you on your ass."
He snorted and bumped his shoulder against mine. "Smartass." He got serious then. "You know, it's OK if you find someone you want to be more than friends with, right? You know Alex wanted you to find someone new. He wanted you to be happy."
I smiled sadly. "I know, and I'm trying. I've been dating a little over the past few months, but nothing serious. I'm not sure I can find anybody to compare."
"Compare to whom, to Alex? Or to Nico?" he asked quietly, without judgement.
I sighed. "To both. I loved Alex with everything in me, and a part of me always will. I didn't even realize I was falling for Nico until I'd already fallen."
"So, what's the problem? Are you feeling guilty over Alex?"
I huffed out a pretty-bitter sounding laugh. "No, the problem is that I'm me, and Nico is Nico, and we're friends. I'm not what he wants in a woman, and I've tried to be OK with the fact that he doesn't want me like that. It's just so damned hard."
