As we made our way to the restroom at the back of the store, I couldn't bring myself to make eye contact with any of the still-snickering customers who had the good fortune to witness The Great Wedgie Conundrum of 2022. Shit, I hoped none of them recognized me. At least I didn't notice any phones pointed in our direction. I would never live this down if it ended up on TMZ.
After we resolved the wedgie issue and found a gift for the baby, Gracie and I stopped for the ice cream that I'd bribed her with earlier. She got a small cup of something called Superman, which looked like a neon rainbow exploded and smelled like Fruity Pebbles cereal. She was thrilled with it. I treated myself to a triple scoop of chocolate-covered strawberry swirl, with extra chocolate sprinkles and whipped cream. Hell, I deserved it after the ordeal I'd just survived.
We spent the rest of the day back at my house, playing in the pool and watching movies. By mid-afternoon, Gracie was ready for a nap. Even though my princess had her own room at my house, decorated to her exacting three-year-old specifications, she insisted on sleeping in front of the TV. I decided I could use a little nap too, so I laid down with her on the comfy sofa in the media room. Her back was against the back of the sofa, and I was lying facing her so she wouldn't fall off. It took her about thirty seconds to close her eyes and drift off to sleep.
As I laid there with her, I started softly humming the melody to "Daddy's Girl", the song I'd written over two years ago after Alex's funeral. Matt, Josh, and Tony had helped me put the finishing touches on the lyrics and melody I'd written. Once it was complete, we knew it had the potential to be a huge hit. Given the sensitive subject matter - Alex's final goodbye to his daughter - and the timing of it, we had shelved the idea. Maybe someday I'd broach the subject with Allie, once I thought she was ready. I'd been tossing around the idea of releasing it and donating the proceeds to charity. Maybe cancer research. I absolutely did not want to profit from their tragedy, and I was certain the other guys would agree with me. For now though, I was content to sing it to Gracie in quiet moments like this.
I'd been asleep for maybe an hour when Gracie rolled over in her sleep. My sweet, angelic little princess smacked me in the face with her arm and nailed me right in the balls with her foot. Shit, that hurt! She let out a snuffling kind of snort and settled her head back against my chest to carry on with her nap. I carefully moved her foot, lifted her hand off my ear, and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. My phone rang a little while later. By the time I had eased myself out from under Gracie, without waking her up mind you, the call had ended, and a text notification had popped in. It was Allie, letting me know that Cole David Kettering had just made his entrance into the world, and that mom and baby were doing fine. She asked how Gracie was, and I snapped a quick photo of her and sent it. My princess was still sprawled out on her stomach but had shifted again, and her right foot and her head were both hanging off of the edge of the sofa. The blanket I'd put over her when I got up had slipped halfway off and was dragging the floor.
Nico:See for yourself. She kinda looks like Matt does when he's sleeping off a bender. And by the way, if I'm not ableto have kids, it's her fault. Kid's got a wicked aim when she's sleeping. She's a literal ball-buster. I'll have to remember to put on a cup the next time I get the bright idea to take a nap with her.
Allie:*snort* I'm sorry, but you really should have known better. Don't you remember the black eye she gave me when we all stayed at your parents' cabin last fall? I wasn't sure I'd survive sharing that bed with her. It was brutal. I had no idea how much damage her bony little elbows could do.
Nico:Yeah, I'd forgotten that. We had a good day otherwise though. Went shopping for the baby. Scott and Emma are going to love the stuffed basset hound Gracie picked out. When you pull its tail, it sings "You Ain't Nothin' but A Hound Dog." I didn't see a volume control button, but they can always take the batteries out if it gets too obnoxious.
Allie:Nice! Well, they did buy her play-doh and finger paints for her last birthday, so...payback, baby!
Nico:Hey, she was kind of upset because she couldn't come to see the baby. I told her you would FaceTime her so she could see him that way. Can we do that before you leave the hospital?
Allie:That's a good idea. Call me when she wakes up.
Gracie woke up about a half an hour later, and we FaceTimed Allie. Cole was cute, from what I could tell. Looked kind of like a raisin, but then again, most newborns do. Gracie was thrilled to see her new cousin and tried to babytalk to him. He wasn't much interested. She told Allie about our trip to the toy store, and I filled her in on the wedgie incident. She almost dropped her phone, she was laughing so hard. I heard Scott howling in the background, and Emma hollered, "Oh makehim stop, it hurts to laugh!" Allie composed herself enough to promise that she would be there in hour or so to pick up Grace.
Later that night, after I finished my dinner of leftover Kung Pao chicken, fried rice and an egg roll, my phone started blowing up with notifications from the band's group chat. Allie had clearly shared the story of today's adventure because I received a steady stream of memes and GIFs related to wedgies and underwear, all tagged with #wedgiegate. Yeah, laugh it up, assholes.
